Dealings with Shadows

Memories

2011-12-01T22:56:00.001-06:00

It’s reaching towards the end of the semester, the year, and my college experience. My childhood, if not already long gone, is definitely heading towards a definitive close. I know how I get around this time of year (all sappy and sad). It’s the period of waiting, preparing, and yet also remembering. What better way to wait than remember right?

I still think back to the summer before my senior year of high school. I went to New Zealand and Australia. But when I think about that trip I don’t think of all the places we saw or things we did (although they were very exciting), I think about the night I went swimming at a resort in Australia on one of the last nights of the trip. Maybe it’s because I love the night, or swimming, or feeling so right that night. Or maybe it was a combination. But when I think back to my short floating session, I can’t help but remember the only other person in the pool that night. A boy who was also on our trip, although I had hardly talked to him before then. Our travel group was big and he was a part of a different group of friends. But there he was, alone, in the pool.

The pool was beautiful. It was wide with long lanes that lead to a cutoff that overlooked a lake. At the right spot, it looked like the pool water was hovering above the lake. On the far side of the lake was a magnificent tree with a single spotlight which mirrored it on the motionless water. The stars were unbelievable and the pool was colored so blue it seemed as if I was swimming in the sky. I swam over to this boy. It was just too perfect to keep all to myself. But he wasn’t interested in conversation. He told me politely enough that he was working on improving his swimming. So up and down he went, slowly, but surely. So I continued to float, staring into the stars.

Less than two weeks after we returned to North Carolina, this boy was dead. He was hit by lightening which induced a coma. He died soon after from pneumonia. I attended his memorial service, the first I had ever been to. What I remember, and still feel, is peace. Peace that night and peace at his service. It’s hard to think about a life, all the hopes and dreams, history, beliefs of a person and come to some logical conclusion other than this is what God willed. This boy had a full life. I had the privilege to glimpse it.

What I remember tonight is how wonderful and mysterious God is. I know every encounter I have is the plan of God and I hope to allow these experiences to touch my heart, even if its in anger or fear. He makes things right. I just have to hold on through the painful and joyous lessons alike.

God bless you this Advent!

Happy Sunday!

2011-05-22T11:38:00.000-05:00

Today is the fifth Sunday of easter and St. Rita's feast day! Have wonderful day! It is beautiful here!

St. Rita, pray for us!

Names and Heresies

2011-05-19T15:23:00.000-05:00

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

Or so goes the famous line of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. I won’t pretend to know much about this line or the play either (don’t worry, I know the gist of it), but that line has always bothered me. It seems in blatant contradiction to another famous line:

Therefore God has highly exulted him and bestowed on him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:9-11)

That at the NAME of Jesus… and nothing else. That name is powerful. The idea of names, especially in Judaism and Christianity, is very important. Your name was who you were. Not a representation, symbol or identifying sound, but precisely who you are. This is why it was such a big deal for God to change your name. It meant you were completely different now. Who you are has changed: your name has changed. Just thinking about it, I can come up with many other examples. In the Old Testament, the name of God was only spoken once a year by the priest because it was that powerful. The Vatican also just declared in 2005 that Yahweh not be spoken or pronounced in any liturgical celebrations. Have you noticed some song lyrics have changed? Also, the idea of having a “good name”, and trying to uphold that.

Names mean something. They certainly aren’t arbitrary. Obviously the name of God means something, but what about human-given names? Do they mean anything? I suppose one could make the argument that anything given by God is sacred, but something given by humans may not be. I mean, some people name their children things like Petal Blossom Rainbow and Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo (and yes, these girls are all siblings!). What about those names? What if you don’t like your name, or it doesn’t seem to quite fit who you are?

I’d still have to think these names are very important and isn’t just a name among other names. It is you! That is your name! We learned in the Gospel this past Sunday that the shepherd calls his own sheep by name. If that name could be replaced with the same effect, do you think Jesus would do that instead? Well, it can’t because that name means a whole lot. You recognize that name, and you follow the one who calls it. Before you are even baptized the Church asks the parents what name is given to the child. From the beginning, our name is what calls us to God.

One more thing (since I feel I’m on a roll) when you get to heaven, God will give you a name that only He will call you and only you know. How ridiculously awesome is that? If that doesn’t show the power behind a name I don’t know what will.

And while I was thinking more about this, I realized too how ideas such as whether names are important or not impact how we think about other things. Specifically in regards to Truths about God. I think that is why the Church has always been such a strong fighter against heresies. We must think about God rightly if we are to have a solid faith in Him. Some great saints spent their lives fighting heresies. They could have been helping the poor or something instead. Why supposedly waste all that time and energy on correcting a silly idea? Because ideas matter A LOT! A simple idea will affect how you think about other things, and will also usually affect your actions as well. And if you have the wrong idea about God (aka, a heresy), wow, will that lead you to some awful places.

It may seem useless to most people why the Church is so adamantly opposed to ordaining women (not to mention not even having the ability to do so). But this matters a lot. It affects how we see Christ, how He relates to us, gives Himself to us, and how we respond to that love. A simple idea will have massive consequences. Just look at what the idea of a woman’s choice has gotten us. The culture of death is everywhere, and it all started from an idea.

So, in conclusion (because I think I’ve gone on way too long after so long a silence), names are freaking awesome and the Church rocks and will fight heresies to the death. And that’s the Church and God I want to serve! Have a blessed day!

When I Survey The Wondrous Cross

2011-04-18T17:26:00.000-05:00

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour comtempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God;
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to his blood.

See from his head, his hands, his feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down;
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Examples and Answers

2011-03-25T00:44:00.002-05:00

It’s been said that when we are born we are blank slates. We learn from everything around us: the environment, culture, family, friends, food, language, everything. From the moment of birth we are being shaped by what is around us and what we experience. Of course there are also things that make us who we are that do not come from outside sources of the world, but for the most part, we look to others to gather how we should act, react, and think about things. For example, we learn so much from our parents. We even sometimes adopt their characteristics and quirky behaviors. Role models also provide us with something to aspire to, with something we can relate to, but also know we are lacking.

Today however, I realized that this can only go so far. Looking and learning from examples can only get me to a point. Examples are just that: they aren’t answers. Neither answers to my life or my situation.

So where to go where the example ends? I’m not content to just see what happens, to just pick a way and go. I know how limited and ignorant and frail I am. And even if I tried that, it would be hardly bearable with each uncertain decision made on a whim (even if I convinced myself I’ve thought it out). No, that won’t do.

Where the example ends is where God precisely picks up. To where my reasoning becomes tangled and shallow is where God will show me the way. He will whisper each next move and I’ll know that is my turn. We can’t rely on examples because we are all different. Each and every person has had a completely unique life. They each have a completely unique soul. Looking at examples are great to learn the human condition, but it can’t tell much about my future. But God knows my future and exactly what I’ll need.

So as I enter all new territory for me, I realize that I’ve been in uncharted lands all my life. God has directed me, given me examples, and also unique answers. As I move on to places (both physical and abstract) with fewer and fewer applicable examples, I won’t worry, because examples weren’t truly important to begin with. God is with me.

Show me what I'm looking for

2011-03-12T22:25:00.000-06:00

I found this video on my computer today. I was practically obsessed with this song about two years ago, and in the spirit of my last post, wanted to share it. It's such a beautiful prayer and one that God is definitely answering.

Show Me What I'm Looking For- Carolina Liar

Desires of the Heart

2011-03-02T00:19:00.000-06:00

I have no idea what I need. (Or want, really)

I think I’ve really missed the boat on this one. Somehow I’ve never quite realized that all my prayers to “give me whatever I need” and “let your will be done” were really just a cover up for the fact I have no clue what either of those things are.

A priest told me to persistently and boldly ask for the desires of my heart, and in those desires lies God’s will for my life. So I had to ask myself, what are those desires? And……I didn’t get far.

I don’t know.

It’s not that I don’t ask God for things. I do all the time! I ask for strength almost every moment of the day. I ask my guardian angel to carry me when I’m running. I even asked to grow taller (and it worked!). But to ask for the desires of my heart? I have never done that because I don’t even know what those are.

After this struck me (which was like finding out Santa doesn’t exist) I tried to start somewhere. The result was a very short list of things I always find immense satisfaction in. They are pretty vague, and I wouldn’t classify them as “desires”. But that’s it. That’s all I got.

Maybe I’ve always been like this. I remember having to write an essay in 7th grade on a goal or accomplishment we wanted to achieve in life, and I wrote mine on being happy. I guess I’ve never been much for particulars.

But we should know ourselves. I want to ask for the desires of my heart. God put them there, and I should find out what that is. But here I am, still “unknown”. I suppose I’ll do what I always do and ask God to take care of it.

My 2 cents...

2011-01-26T00:02:00.000-06:00

...on the remarks of our President Monday. My comments in red.

Today marks the 38th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that protects women’s health and reproductive freedom, and affirms a fundamental principle: that government should not intrude on private family matters. If speaking of abortion, it can never be said it protects women’s health. In fact, it destroys it. In every way, especially reproductively and psychologically, not to mention the future risk of cancer. Abortion protects nothing of women.

I am committed to protecting this constitutional right. I also remain committed to policies, initiatives, and programs that help prevent unintended pregnancies, support pregnant women and mothers, encourage healthy relationships, and promote adoption. I would love to see a list of these programs. I would also be interested in seeing if “supporting pregnant women and mothers” was more than referrals to “safe” abortion clinics and access to even more contraception. Also what is healthy about a relationship that seeks to destroy the fruits of it?

And on this anniversary, I hope that we will recommit ourselves more broadly to ensuring that our daughters have the same rights, the same freedoms, and the same opportunities as our sons to fulfill their dreams. If we really want to commit ourselves to women’s rights that equal men's, abortion can be in no way a part of that. Even suggesting that abortion is part of the answer (if not the main solution) suggests that the only way women can be equal to men is that they become men. As a woman, I am appalled by this and in no way wish to be a man. If anything, men should wish to be equal to us. WOMEN BRING LIFE! I would be jealous…

Shadow Angels

2011-01-25T23:31:00.000-06:00

Night falls down
My mind turns to you
Sweet one who only God knows
You speak to me
Giggle softly
Tell me your dreams
The great plan God wrote
Love swept you away
An ugly kind of love
One who searched for
Things unreachable
Beautiful soul whisper in my ear
Tell me of heaven
Your true home
Let your kind heart think of me tonight
Shadows looming near
That I may meet you one day
And finally see your face

Life (updates)

2011-01-18T23:14:00.001-06:00

Even though it’s late, Happy 2011!! Just when I was charging through last year, a new one comes along just to keep things interesting! Things have been crazy, as usual, but I didn’t want to forget about this old blog here. I have so many ideas for this thing, and yet they never seem to actually happen. Maybe when I graduate… But in the mean time, here’s some of what I’ve been up to:

I finished last semester really well, worked like a madman, had a lot of quality time with friends, then met up with my family in Miami to board a cruise! We went to the island of Roatan in Honduras, Belize City, Costa Maya then stopped in Key West on Christmas. It was a wonderful vacation full of family time (we even won a game show), adventure (we climbed to the top of an ancient Mayan temple) and a midnight Christmas Mass! After the cruise we traveled around Florida and went to this super awesome park where we saw hundreds of manatees and a whole slew of other exotic wildlife! We even saw a mother alligator with five baby alligators chilling on her head, all sunning themselves! It was one of the coolest things!

Lamanai Mayan site- We climbed all the way up this temple!

We are college football NATIONAL CHAMPS!! Talk about an exciting return to Auburn! Not only did we get the first two days of school cancelled for weather, but we also got to cheer on our Tigers to an undefeated season! What an unbelievable year! My friends watched the game at the Catholic student center and it was madness! It was so much fun and afterwards we ran- literally ran- to Toomer’s corner to witness the celebration. I even brought a roll of toilet paper! Definitely a night to remember! The city left the paper up for 5 days, and it was beautiful! Then, because of all the travel delays everyone had getting back after the game, we practically did nothing in our classes last week! WAR EAGLE times a trillion!

I was able to travel to central Alabama this past Sunday to meet up with my fellow missionaries and share about Uganda with their church. It was so good to see everyone again. They are all really inspiring people. I remember getting back and having experienced all these things, both fun and hard, but not quite knowing how to let others adequately know. I think I just get in a mode of accepting the fact most people in my life will not really understand what I’m trying to convey to them. But this Sunday, when I met back up with my team, none of that applied. They were all there and had all seen and done what I had done. We have similar stirrings in our hearts and even if everyone else may not really know, we know. It was so nice to just be there. We all had a big lunch with all the family and friends and special guests afterwards. I hope we can do something like that again. I also hope to start attempting to write about the mission trip, which is something I’ve been subconsciously avoiding. Probably because there is so much I want to say.

Yesterday I traveled to Montgomery for the Inauguration of Governor Bentley. The company I work for are the primary photographers for all the inaugural events, and I helped photograph people with Gov. Bentley at the public party at the baseball stadium and then at the Inauguaral Ball. I never would have thought that when I took this job I would be working at events like these. It was very neat but very hard on my feet. The poor things take so much abuse from me.

And I guess that catches me up to today. God has worked countless ways in my life and in the lives of those I know these past few months. One example is my whole career situation. For anyone who read my post on all that (and I’ve since deleted it), you may have gleaned how much attention I had given it. Well this past week, I received an email informing me that I am too short to qualify for that job and they won’t be able to submit my packet. In all honesty, I was very happy to hear that. Not because I didn’t want to be an RPA pilot, but because it is so obvious that God stepped in and showed me where to go. This career field is so new that they haven’t even sorted through all the qualifications for it yet. They pretty much just copied and pasted the pilot qualifications (I’ve known that I am too short to be a pilot) into the RPA field. Most likely by this time next year, they will update the qualifications (which height won’t play a real factor in). God really watches out for me. This is just another example of how He has shown me exactly where to go and when. Whatever I end up doing in the Air Force (which I’ll find out in about 2 months!) I KNOW that that is exactly what I’m meant to do.

So happy new year! I hope this year can live up to last year! It looks like it’s already off to a great start!

Holy Night

2010-12-25T00:00:00.001-06:00

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Beautiful song

A basic summary of (a few) Church teachings

2010-12-15T01:25:00.007-06:00

A few days ago I recieved this comment on an old post:

Hey Ruth, I have some question after reading some of your posts regarding the church and your recent missions to Uganda. Please read all scriptural references given, prayerfully consider their meaning in the context of scripture, alone. Thought....

If "faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God", and "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us..." How does salvation come by baptism/membership in a church, when scripture clearly defines the church as a body of true believers?
"Neither shall their be salvation in any other (name)".... so why has the glorious Church been lifted up as a precursor for salvation, or the vessel through which the Holy Spirit is "unleashed", or limited in His work, so to speak? I would like to ask one more simple question for thought. If you delete this post that is OK, but please read for your own edification.

According to Ephesians 2:1-10, you are saved by Grace through Faith (not your own doing, the Faith to believe comes from God). It is grace, or unmerited favor, and faith that is the gift from God. This may help you clarify Ephesians 1:3-14. "sealed with the promised Holy Spirit" He won't let you go. See Romans 5:8, while we were sinners, Christ died for us, and looking at Romans 5:15-16 this for grace to abound much more since, according to one man's transgression sin entered the world, and death through sin, by one man...Christ, many more are offered grace.

There is really nothing to "figure out" or understand here except that we are all under God's wrath/judgment because He is Holy, and we are not...PERIOD. Our efforts to please Him, or try and appease Him for falling short of His standard of Holiness are "as filthy rags." But PRAISE be to God because He provided the substitutionary sacrifice that was perfect (lived a righteous life, tempted as we are but was yet without sin) so that the righteousness of Christ could be "credited" to our account, so to speak, when we believe in Him.

(Romans 4:8 Blessed is the man in whom God does not impute sin. - this is a one time legal declaration by God...not a life-long, hope I can become good enough to please Him. We would ALL be doomed if that were the case. Where would the "peace that surpasses all understanding" be in that type of salvation. See Rom. 10:6-7. We don't say who will reach up into heaven and bring Christ down or who will reach down and bring Christ up from the abyss (or grave)...why, because God has already done this on our behalf, ONCE for all.

We don't need a priest like in the old testament to offer any kind of sacrifice for us, now or forever. Hebrews 10:14-17. v.14 "For by a single offering He has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." How many offerings? see v.12 "But when Christ had offered for all a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. focus on ONCE and the NEW covenant he makes in Christ's blood for the redeemed. In light of these verses, Rom 10;6 and Heb 10:12, is a perpetual sacrifice for sin by a priest, who himself sins, necessary? Or has scripture already answered this question with a PERFECT sacrifice who said "it is finished" when He had completed His Father's work here on earth? Ruth, please take these passages to heart, they are the foundation of the gospel (Good News) of what Christ did on our behalf. It is not that I am trying to discourage you, but only to help you discern that scripture interprets scripture. All 'revelation' must be brought to bare in "light" of the revealed Word of God, not teachings of men, who themselves may be errant. Heb 9:24-28. Christ does not need to be offered many times in mass for sins. He did this once, and will return to save those who eagerly await Him. Phil. 1:6

Please bear with me in this long post (if you've made it to here, that's pretty good!). I promise you its extremely interesting (or at least I thought so). This has taken way too long to post, which is why I don’t have an apologetics blog. This site is excellent at explaining what the Church believes and why. I do have a disclaimer on the right, over there ---->, but it seems this post will have to be an exception. Since the questions were asked to me, I’ve answered them. You may also check out the Vatican’s website or the Catechism. But of course, if you want to continue the discussion, I will do my best. These explanations are how I understand them and they are in no way complete (one could write books on these subjects).

I am using the Revised Standard Version for quoting the Bible (and commentary from the Ignatius Catholic Study Bible for inspiration).

First of all, I would like to explain how the Catholic Church interprets scriptures. We look at the Bible in its entirety. Believing it is the inspired word of God, we don’t ignore some parts in favor of others. This includes the Old Testament. We take Jesus very seriously when he says “Do not think I have come to abolish the law and the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfil them” (Matthew 5:17). The Greek word translated “fulfil” means “to make complete”. We believe the New Covenant includes and concludes the Old Covenant. The entire Bible tells the story of salvation and always gives us God’s plan for what to believe and how to live and worship. I tell you this because that is how I will be answering your questions. I will look at what the Old Testament (and Old Covenant) included and how it has been perfected in the New Covenant with Jesus.

How does salvation come by baptism/membership in a church, when scripture clearly defines the church as a body of true believers?

The Old Covenant was entered into by circumcision. The New Covenant is also entered into by circumcision, but in a different way. Here is what I wrote back in June:

Phil 3:2-3, which says, "Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of the false circumcision; for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh". True circumcision refers to the spiritual circumcision of the heart, which happens at Baptism. This spiritual circumcision is obviously prefigured with bodily circumcision, but is no longer necessary (because we now have the true circumcision). Deuteronomy 30:6 tells us that God will circumcise our hearts so that we will love God with all our hearts and souls. (Also see Romans 2:28-29 and Colossians 2:11-12)

In the New Covenant, our hearts are circumcised by baptism (thus making the regular circumcision unnecessary). Ezekiel 36:25-27 says “ I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will take out of your flesh the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to observe my ordinances.” Christian baptism does just that. Acts 2:38 says “And Peter said to them, ‘Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.’” In the Catholic Church we are baptized in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and when the water is poured upon the head (or the person is immersed), sins are washed away, the Holy Spirit rests upon them, and they are now a very real part of the Body of Christ, the Church. “For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body…”(1 Cor. 12:13). 1 Peter 3:21 also states “Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…” (I think you would also enjoy reading 1 Peter 3, starting at verse 18, which talks about Jesus dying for sins once for all.) Christ DID die for our sins and ONLY because of that, now we can be saved. Baptism is how you enter into the salvation he offers us.

The next part of your question is about the church as a true body of believers. My explanation of baptism already hit on this a little, but I wanted to completely answer your question. The Church is a true body of believers. At baptism, one becomes a member of the Church. The Church is the body of Christ, with Christ as the head of the body/Church. “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it” (1 Cor. 12:27) and “He is the head of the body, the Church; he is the beginning, the first-born from the dead, that in everything he might be pre-eminent” (Colossians 1:18). So by baptism, you come into the Church. And that leads into your next question…

Why has the glorious Church been lifted up as a precursor for salvation, or the vessel through which the Holy Spirit is "unleashed", or limited in His work, so to speak?

A few assumptions made about the Church in this question are incorrect. Firstly, nothing can limited God in His work. The Church doesn’t claim this, nor can it ever, because it simply is impossible. The Church is where God has revealed Himself to us and it was created by God Himself to enact His grace and use it as a means to save us. “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it” (Matt 16:18). The word “Church” is used in the Old testament for the “congregation” of Israel united to God. The Church today is an assembly united to God, and was started by Jesus Himself. Although there are countless ways God acts, it is through His Church that God reaches us and administers His grace. The Church is where “God’s grace is on full offer. The Church is where we find the fullness of life Christ wants for us.”-Fr. Robert Barron

I was just thinking about this last week. I’ll share with you the analogy I came up with.
I think we will agree that learning isn’t restricted to any one thing or place. You can learn in many different ways with many different things. But someone who goes to school, we would say is “educated”. Someone who has a degree from a respected university is “more educated”. But if learning isn’t limited to a classroom, or books and teachers with lesson plans, why do we say that? Because in the classroom, we learn about a subject more fully, more in-depth. The structure of school, with different grades, subjects, and ways of learning, is a more conducive environment for learning and for learning something well. If someone was only being taught things as they went on with their life, many important things may be missed. For instance, if I never went to school, I would hardly know anything about math. I wouldn’t know much about biology, such as cell structure. I wouldn’t have read “classics” simply because those weren’t something I wasn’t interested in at the time. Even though I have a mother who has been a teacher for almost 30 years, and have been to countless museums, historical sites, and have traveled a lot, my education still would not have been as complete as it is if I didn’t go to school. And I know I’m still not done learning.

I see this comparable with the Church. Yes, you “can get God” other ways and in other places, but it’s in the Church where you find a true and complete understanding of God. I have experienced God’s love in a more tangible way, and have learned more deeply about God in the Church than I have ANYWHERE else. I believe, and the Bible says, it’s because Jesus created it and that is the main way He wants it to be. As I’m typing, I know I need to stop myself. I can probably go on about the Church for the next million words. If you would like to know more, I would love to tell you : )

I will now respond to the next part of your comment, which didn’t have a particular question.

As I was reading Ephesians 2:1-10, I couldn’t help but also read the commentary. I know I can’t say it better, so I’ll write it here:

The first half of the chapter (Ephesians 2:1-10) explains how Christ reconciles men with God. (2:8) grace- The biblical term for (1) God’s favor and (2) God’s supernatural life. The former designates the conditions of its bestowal (a free and undeserved gift, Romans 6:23), and the latter designates the content of the gift we receive (a share in the divine nature, 2 Peter 1:4). Have been saved-(the notes led me to Romans 5:10, which comments on “shall we be saved”. It says) Salvation can be described in terms of the past, present and future. It is past with reference to Baptism, which saves us from our sins (1 Peter 3:21, see above). It is a present reality when we allow grace to make us steadily more virtuous and holy (1 Cor 1:18). It is a future hope that we will for ever live with the Lord in glory (Heb 9:28, CCC169, 1026). (Now back to the Ephesians commentary) Through faith- Faith is instrumental in saving us and uniting us with Christ. In the context of conversion, salvation is conferred through the instrument of Baptism (1 Peter 3:21), and salvation is received through the instrument of faith (Romans 3:24-25). For Paul, belief in Jesus Christ is a divine gift (Phil 1:29)… (2:10) good works- Works of righteousness that pertain to salvation (Romans 2:6-7). These are made possible by the grace of God empowering us from within (Phil 2:12-13, Heb 13:20-21). The Second Council of Orange decreed in 529 A.D. that man, weakened by the fall of Adam, is incapable of performing good works worthy of eternal life by his own natural strength. Only by supernatural help of the Spirit can we be humble, obedient, and loving in a way that truly pleases the Lord (Canons 1-25. CCC 2008-11).

The rest of Ephesians chapter goes on to talk about the old circumcision (of the flesh) and how God reconciles men and nations with one another. A few things about this. 1. I wanted to show you that we believe many of the same things (and that some of the things you said come straight from Catholic councils going back to the 6th century). We are both Christian and regard Jesus as God. I hope you weren’t under the impression I believe anything contrary to that. By the way, the Catholic Church gave the world the Bible in 393 A.D. when the Council of Hippo listed the books (before then, many Popes had decreed the same list). 2. Also, to reiterate how important Baptism is. It is completely necessary for salvation. 3. That being a Christian isn’t a one time deal. God isn’t the president of an organization. He doesn’t want your yearly dues and a “belief” statement every so often. God wants everything you have. He wants to completely change your life (inside and out). He wants us to freely choose Him, which means choosing to live as He directs us to. That means to strive for holiness, for your whole life. How great would a marriage be if you showed up on the wedding day but never spoke to your spouse again? The life of a Christian is continuous conversion. Like you referenced, we are filthy as rags, which means we must be given faith and grace and salvation, but God doesn’t force us to receive any of these against our will. If we choose to reject Him later, God will respect that choice. God doesn’t let us go, but at the end of our life if we reject Him, then God respects our wishes.

We don't need a priest like in the old testament to offer any kind of sacrifice for us, now or forever.

Although this wasn’t a question, I need to respond to this. Priests are extremely important. Jesus is referred to as the High Priest (The entire Hebrews chapter 7 talks about priesthood, and how and why Jesus is the High Priest.), so obviously, we need (at least one) priests. In the Old testament, we have three “kinds” of priests. The high priest (Aaron, Exodus 28:3), ministerial priests (Aaron’s sons, Exodus 28:40-41), and universal priests (Israel, Exodus 19:6). And in God’s mighty plan for the world, we now also have three kinds of priesthood. The High Priest is Jesus (Hebrews 2:17, 3:1), the ministerial priests are the ordained priests and bishops (Romans 15:16, 1 Timothy 3:1,8; 5:17, Titus 1:7) who have been given to us by God since Jesus first chose his apostles, and the universal priests are all the faithful (1 Peter 2:5,9, Revelation 1:6). We are incorporated into the priestly office of Christ upon our Baptism. We are all priests, called “to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 2:5). The ministerial priests are the ones asked by God in a special way to “feed and tend the flock” (John 21:15-17). Not everyone in the flock can tend and feed. There have to be shepherds where that is their primary and life-long mission. Each of the universal priests and the ministerial priests share in the priesthood of Jesus. Jesus, again, is the reason we can even be priests in the first place. It always comes back to Him.

As far as priests being sinners, I will direct you to Numbers 16:1-3. Korah and 250 other well known community leaders rose up against Moses and accused him of declaring himself holier than the rest. They argued because all are holy, none should claim a position higher than the rest. This is basically the same argument only you reverse it saying since no one is perfect, they can’t be “higher”. But as I’ve already explained, God chooses His priests, and it is to share in the priesthood of Christ. Also, we are told to obey the elders (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13, 1 Timothy 5:17, Hebrews 12:9, 13:7,17, 1 Peter 5:5), and those who do not are judged harshly (2 Peter 2:10-12, 1 John 4:6, 3 John 1:9-11, Jude 1:8-10). Jude 1:11 tells us that “they will perish because of their rebellion”.

Is a perpetual sacrifice for sin by a priest, who himself sins, necessary?

I’ve already answered the part about the priest sinning and I’ll let Nicholas Hardesty explain the rest. Read more here.

When [Jesus was on] the Cross, he gave his entire self to the world so as to achieve the objective redemption. In other words, in giving of his entire self, he made it possible for man to enter heaven. But, the merits of this total self-giving must be applied to us somehow if we are to benefit from it. This is the subjective redemption. Every day man is in need of it, so Jesus never ceases to give to the Father his one gift on the Cross. This gift is made real in our lives through the Mass, when celebrate the gift of his entire self (to the Father, and consequently to us) in the Eucharist.

[Jesus] abolished the old sacrifices so as to set up the very sacrifice that we celebrate in the Mass. It is in the Mass that we are "sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all" (Hebrews 10:10).

Some people use Hebrews 10:12 as a mark against the Sacrifice of the Mass, but this verse is in reference to the sacrifices of the Old Law that he abolished. The blood of lambs will no longer do. Now we partake of the Blood of the Lamb (1 Pet 1:18-19; Rev 7:14; 12:11). His Blood is the new covenant (Lk 22:20; Heb 12:24). Just as the levitical high priest offered sacrifice to the Lord and then the people ate the sacrifice (to participate in the Old Covenant), in the Mass the priest stands in the person of Christ offering His one sacrifice to the Lord and then we eat the sacrifice (to participate in the New Covenant).

If this still seems a bit strange, just read what Justin Martyr (yes, this is the famous Christian martyr) says about the Mass, and more particularly, about the Eucharist, which is really what you are referring to. This was written in 155 A.D.

God speaks by the mouth of Malachi, one of the twelve [minor prophets], as I said before, about the sacrifices at that time presented by you: "I have no pleasure in you, says the Lord, and I will not accept your sacrifices at your hands; for from the rising of the sun to the going down of the same, my name has been glorified among the Gentiles, and in every place incense is offered to my name, and a pure offering, for my name is great among the Gentiles" [Mal. 1:10-11]. He then speaks of those Gentiles, namely us [Christians] who in every place offer sacrifices to him, that is, the bread of the Eucharist and also the cup of the Eucharist. (Dialogue with Trypho 41)

The Mass (in its basic form) has been celebrated since Jesus first did it at the Last Supper. When we celebrate Mass, the one sacrifice of Jesus is re-presented. What Jesus did on the cross for us is enough, and now we have access to it every day with Mass (as Jesus instructed us to do). You can read more from the early Church fathers about the Sacrifice of the Mass here. Or simply more info on the Sacrifice, here.

Last thoughts:
Your comment was intriguing, in that it lead me to see the biblical basis for the beliefs of the Catholic Church. I hope you also read what I have written and honestly think about them as well. In your comment you pointed out being “sealed with the Holy Spirit”. Catholics are sealed with the Holy Spirit when they are confirmed. If you're interested, you can read more about that here. Also, here is a good look at the reasoning behind “scripture interpreting scripture” (Part 1 and Part 2). May God bless you abundantly during this Christmas season!

What I've learned in Uganda so far...

2010-11-21T13:52:00.000-06:00

...we have so much. I will never be unthankful for anything ever again.
Read my post at 4cornersministries.blogspot.com/2010/11/uganda-team-update.html

Uganda Novena Day 8 and 9

2010-11-18T09:15:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm off! Please continue praying for the whole trip and especially for the people in Uganda! Have a great and thankful Thanksgiving!

Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place, a safe and fruitful mission and Ugandans who are suffering in any way.

We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.
Pray for us, St. Peter Claver

Uganda Novena Day 7

2010-11-16T23:54:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is my last full day before I leave! I’m still super busy (just like every day this semester), but I know I can get it all done. Most of my to-do list contains schoolwork, which again, isn’t a departure at all from the rest of the semester (ahhh).

I received four packages today with almost all my supplies I’m bringing with me. Tomorrow I should get my last one (containing rosaries and saint metals)! It will all fit perfectly in my bags! In my bags I’m bringing eyeglasses and the charts to determine prescriptions, work gloves and pants, crayons, colored pencils and other school supplies, lots of rosaries and how-to-pray-the-rosary guides, mini-catechisms, saint metals and chains, soap and toothbrushes, Sunday school-type coloring books and advent worksheets, mosquito nets, a suit for a seminarian, colorful bracelets for girls, and many well wishes from friends. I’m SO excited! Tomorrow I start my malaria medication!

Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place, a safe and fruitful mission and Ugandans who are suffering in any way.

We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.
Pray for us, St. Peter Claver

Uganda Novena Day 6

2010-11-15T23:58:00.001-06:00

Some trip info:
I'll be arriving in Kampala, the capital of Uganda, and also traveling to Masaka, which is where Fr. Michael will meet us.

I'm traveling with 14 other missionaries, three of whom are college students, and one other who is Catholic.

Myself and another missionary will be distributing over 1,000 pairs of glasses.

I will tour one of the two overflowing seminaries in the diocese of Masaka.

To learn more about the organization I'm traveling with, visit their website, http://www.4cornersministries.org/

Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place, a safe and fruitful mission and Ugandans who are suffering in any way.
We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.
Pray for us, St. Peter Claver

Uganda Novena Day 5

2010-11-14T23:48:00.004-06:00

Tonight I want to be honest. It’s these moments that I know make people uncomfortable. Perhaps many of you who read this don’t know me in “real life”, but most who do, would probably describe me as a happy person. And I am. But those who know me really well know of my darker side. I rarely talk about it. I know people would rather see “the happy” and they rarely know how to handle the lesser known sides of my personality. Perhaps that is why I go here to “fight” my battles. I chronicle my dealings with my shadows because they have followed me all my life, and I suspect they will continue to for the rest of it as well.

Tonight I glimpsed a conversation where it was thought that those who lie to themselves are the happiest, where those who are honest about things tend to become more depressed. A beautifully written post about this can be found here. I knew the young man that that post is directed towards. And even now, it still remains tragically beautiful in my mind. I'm not sure anything can be beautiful unless it’s tragic as well. Perhaps that’s why I think THE most beautiful thing is Jesus hanging, dead, on the cross. Every time I walk into a church I want to cry because the crucifix is so beautiful. It is also very tragic. Perhaps also, I love Our Lady of Sorrows because that is the true disposition in my heart. I am sorrowful. Every day I see so much tragedy, and it breaks my heart, but I don’t want to run from it.

Perhaps also this is what makes me differ from most (although I know not all). I want to stay with the tragic, the ones who feel hopeless and abandoned and unloved and utterly destitute. Maybe misery loves company, but when I experience this, I know God is near. There are no facades in place, no smiles to trick others into thinking you are okay. I know this is something I can do nothing about, and for some reason, I don’t want to run.

Perhaps I stay to see God in action. Indeed He is the only one who can help the tragedies of this world. He is the only one who can save them. In witnessing a tragedy, either of my own or another’s, I know, more deeply than ever before, who I am. I am a powerless woman who relies on God for everything. In coming face to face with utter tragedy, I also experience God’s awesome power. I’ve seen it at Kenneth’s funeral. I knew it that day that what took place is something I wouldn’t easily forget, because I witnessed God coming to earth and showing Himself to us. God uses death more perfectly than anything eles for coming into our hearts.

Maybe the shadows aren’t so bad. Perhaps that is how God’s reveals Himself to me. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to run away. Can we pay the price? I know I can’t, but I know Jesus can and He already did. And with this knowledge I go into the world as a “happy” person, for truly I am. The truth does set us free, it just may not be what we expect.

In relating to Uganda, I’m not sure what I will witness on the mission trip. I’ve been told about “the cry” which can be heard all night in most villages. It is a cry of a mother who just lost a child, normally of some disease. I’ve been told it is the most heart piercing sound you will ever hear. I think of Mary’s cry.

Please pray this novena with me. Pray for whatever breaks your heart. This world is tragic but not hopeless. Let us never forget that it is not hopeless.

Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place, a safe and fruitful mission and Ugandans who are suffering in any way.

We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.
Pray for us, St. Peter Claver

Uganda Novena Day 4

2010-11-13T22:19:00.003-06:00

One thing I’ve struggled with in the past is trusting God. Although I can’t say I don’t struggle with it anymore, I’ve found myself wanting to, and more easily, trusting in Him.

Something that I’ve been thinking a lot about recently is how each person’s journey to God is radically different. We each have a different background, are interested in and attracted to different things, and fulfill a unique vocation. And it makes sense: each one of us is unique and will never be repeated for all of eternity. With each person’s uniqueness brings a unique faith and path to God. I’ve come to deeply appreciate what the Church holds inside her for each of us. The Church offers us the support for our unique journey. It provides resources for our individual needs and interests. It recognizes that each of us struggles differently and at the same time knows, in a profound way, that we are all striving for the same thing.

It is beautiful really. In a world with so many persons: persons of every walk of life from every corner and field, from every experience, each of them is led to Christ by the Church. The Church is truly universal, and that shows that the Church is truly God’s, for God made each of those persons, and to leave even one person out would be tragic and terrible.

I also cherish those times I “peek” into another person’s faith journey: to see how God is acting in their life, to see how their unique place in the world is exactly how God chooses to reveal Himself to them. It shows me that I am not alone in experiencing the Holy Spirit acting. I’m not alone in my experiences of divine “coincidences” that continue to give me strength, hope, and needed grace. I am not alone in this Church.

And our individual journeys' are not exclusive to themselves. We each weave in and out of each other’s paths. God uses us to brings other’s to Him, while doing the same for us.

This is why I trust God now more than I ever have before. I now know, because I’ve witnessed it in my own life and in others, that God really does take care of us. Each of us is unique, and so are our experiences of God, and so will be how God leads us to Himself. But no matter the means, He never has us do it alone. And so I can trust God, because He has made me the way I am and has led me to exactly where I am, so that my journey is perfectly suited for me to find Him. He has a plan for the rest of my days, both here on earth and in heaven. I don’t need to worry about the future or the present anymore; God really does know what He’s doing.

Please join me in this novena for the mission trip to Uganda.

Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place, a safe and fruitful mission and Ugandans who are suffering in any way.

We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.
Pray for us, St. Peter Claver

Uganda Novena Day 3

2010-11-12T23:44:00.002-06:00

In Uganda I'll be visiting Father Michael. He has been visiting our parish for the past three summers. He is in a music group called Anawim, or "The Poor Ones of God". Check out the website here. Here is one of his music videos, "Joy of the Lord". The chorus is in english.

Please join me in this novena.
Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place, a safe and fruitful mission and Ugandans who are suffering in any way.
We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.

Uganda Novena Day 2

2010-11-11T23:56:00.001-06:00

I wanted to thank all those who have helped me and the team with the mission. Without your prayers and support, this mission wouldn't be possible. I especially want to thank my mom, CeeCee at Fiat mihi secundum Verbum Tuum, Ross at Under My Roof, Nelson, who drove 10 hours to train me, the rest of my team, who have been uber helpful and awesome, anyone who came out to my many fundraisers, all the friends who donated time or money, including Erin, Jairo, Kelley, Taylor, Alejandro at Veritatis Splendor, Katie, Ashley, Kelley, Adam, Whitney, and anyone eles who have been praying for me. The day is almost here! Please join in a novena for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place, a safe and fruitful mission and Ugandans who are suffering in any way.

Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...(special intention).
We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.

Uganda Novena Day 1

2010-11-10T23:56:00.000-06:00

In 9 days I’ll be on my way to Uganda! I have chosen St. Peter Claver as the patron saint for this mission. He is the patron of African mission work as he dedicated his life to serving Africans who were brought to the new world as slaves. He converted over 300,000 people! Pray for us St. Peter Claver!

If you would like, please join me in praying this novena. It is the prepare for the work, both spiritual and physical, that will take place and for a safe and fruitful mission. I am also praying for Ugandans who are suffering in any way.

Novena Prayer to the Immaculate Heart of Mary:

O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...(special intention).

We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.

Amen.

Quick Quote for Wednesday

2010-11-09T23:35:00.000-06:00

Even though the Lord protects warriors and he who is "mighty in battle" encourages his own soliders, saying, "Do not be afraid, because I have overcome the world," still we should know, dearly beloved, that even with this incentive the fear is lifted, not the struggle. -St. Leo the Great

The Life of Koko

2010-11-07T23:56:00.001-06:00

Today was a good day to keep my mind off things. I spent about 7 hours today preparing for the trip to Uganda, and I was so excited that it was easy to forget how saddened I feel. I try not to say I’m sad because Bl. Pier Giorgio said sadness is the worse disease. And anyway, I’m not really sad, just grieving. I think there is a distinction. I miss Koko. I missed him before yesterday too, it’s just that now I won’t get to see him again. I think that’s the hardest part.

It’s also hard to think of him gone. It’s funny because I actually had a half finished post about animals and their purpose. It was mainly addressing why they are here since they don’t have an immortal soul. I thought that our (humans) purpose is fulfilled in heaven while an animals' purpose is fulfilled on earth. That was the main gist of it anyway. So I wanted to share how Koko fulfilled his purpose.

I met Koko while I was switching classes one day in high school. Right beside my high school was a house that didn’t have a fenced-in yard. Their dog gave birth to about 8 puppies and this naturally attracted all us teenagers. While everyone else had already picked out their favorite (the girls went first), Koko was left waiting for me. He was the runt of the litter and the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

My sister and I decided to take him home and see what would happen. We never had a dog (or a cat for that matter) and I was actually quite terrified of dogs because of a childhood attack. But Koko was so small and peaceful. He fit perfectly on my lap, with his little nose just reaching my knee. He slept the entire way home.

I knew it was a long shot of keeping him, but for some reason, my mom agreed to keep him (I’ve always thought this was a miracle). He had always been a lot of trouble for us. He couldn’t go to sleep on his own for the first few months. His whining from the porch reached into my parent’s bedroom and woke my mom, who would then come downstairs and literally rock Koko to sleep like a baby. He destroyed everything, escaped from the yard ALL the time, and never was trained (maybe seven people trying to train a dog was a bad approach…). He was also a very scared dog. I would let him sleep next to me on the couch so he wouldn’t be so scared and finally go to sleep. But he kept my feet warm by letting me put them under his belly. But although he caused a little more stress and work in our lives, he also made us fall in love with him. Even my dad was caught playing with him just a little longer than he had to.

Koko was a very good friend. He knew exactly what to do with me. Koko was with me during some of my hardest nights in high school. He would let me hold him for as long as I wanted. And he was always a good sport. He never cared what you would do to him, as long as he was with you, he was happy! My siblings and I would do all kinds of crazy things with him. Our favorite was taking him out on the porch, pointing to an animal that wondered into the yard (usually squirrels) and then releasing him to track them down (and hopefully make them never return!). I still remember the day he chased this puffy fat white cat up this skinny tree and trapped him up there! He was also the best at catching moles (especially because he never felt pain)!

Yes, my Koko brightened everyone’s life. He brought us together and helped us learn a little more about what love is. He was a perfect fit for our family. Our one and only dog. You are very missed already, but soon you’ll get to stay in the house forever (lucky dog).

A frame of a video of me and Koko (and my brother, Peter's hand)

I hope to uplaod some videos soon as they all are having technical problems right now.

Death looms in autumn

2010-11-06T23:40:00.001-05:00

After hearing about numerous deaths of friend's family members this past week, I just learned my dog, Koko, died tonight. He was in his favorite spot in the house. He was only five and a half years old. Now I'm just waiting for a call from my mom. I loved him a lot.

Homosexual Catholics

2010-11-06T22:08:00.000-05:00

The greater the suffering the greater the love from God.

Ensoulment

2010-11-02T11:48:00.000-05:00

When is the human soul created within the body? At first this may seem like a simple question: at the moment of conception of course! However, this isn’t actually official Church teaching. What the Church says is that it definitely happens before birth. There are two theories on this (for more on this, click here):

The first is called the “immediate animation, immediate ensoulment theory”, which states at the very moment of animation (when life begins), the newly conceived human is animated by a rational soul.

The second theory is called the “immediate animation, delayed ensoulment theory” which states there is a progression from vegetative to animal to human soul as the principle of animation. This theory was based on Aristotelian biology and was popular in the middle ages. St. Thomas Aquinas also agreed with this theory and stated he believed males received their soul 40 days after conception and females after 80 days. It has been revisited and refined recently. This is a summary of the new “modern” theory of delayed ensoulment:

First because the soul is the substantial form of the body, the rational soul cannot be present until there is a body present that is significantly complex and organized to receive the soul. Second, a formal cause is present only in a finished product. An actual human soul cannot be united with a virtual human body. Third, there is no human body in the zygote. Fourth inasmuch as all the positive features of the human body derive from the soul, until the soul is present there is no human being. (taken from the article above)

The article that explains the two theories does a wonderful job explaining why the second theory isn’t reasonable. I would also argue that the first makes sense from what we know about God and us: That we are in existence because He loves us, and he loves us because we have human souls (which He of course created). I would think then that as soon as we exist (in the smallest sense, or right at conception) then God has loved us into existence therefore confirming we have a soul. Why would God create us and then wait a little while to create our soul? Can we have a body without a soul? Again I would say not while we are living, and a newly conceived human is definitely living.

Why does this even matter?
If a fetus (I mean fetus as any stage of development before birth) doesn’t have a soul, then it could be argued that abortion is acceptable: since there is no soul yet, they aren’t really human, and thus also have no rights. The response to this may be that even with uncertainty, it’s always better to err of the side of life (meaning don‘t ever abort because you can‘t know for sure). However, there may even be a better reason why abortion is still gravely wrong even if there is no soul present:

Some scientists and philosophers will attempt to argue that if an early embryo might not yet have received its immortal soul from God, it must be OK to destroy that embryo for research since he or she would not yet be a person. But it would actually be the reverse; that is to say, it would be more immoral to destroy an embryo that had not yet received an immortal soul than to destroy an ensouled embryo. Why? Because the immortal soul is the principle by which that person could come to an eternal destiny with God in heaven, so the one who destroyed the embryo, in this scenario, would preclude that young human from ever receiving an immortal soul (or becoming a person) and making his or her way to God. This would be the gravest of evils, as the stem cell researcher would forcibly derail the entire eternal design of God over that unique and unrepeatable person, via an action that would be, in some sense, worse than murder. The human person, then, even in his or her most incipient form as an embryonic human being, must always be safeguarded in an absolute and unconditional way, and speculation about the timing of personhood cannot alter this fundamental truth. -Fr. Tadeusz Pacholczyk

Now although there is no way to be completely sure when exactly ensoulment occurs, I think we can follow the evidence and, through reason, come to a pretty sound conclusion. Personally I have trouble with the idea that ensoulment doesn’t occur at conception. For one, we know that a new human was formed, with it’s own DNA and the like, and I would argue that when God created that new human, why would He not also create it’s soul as well?

What about twins?
In the case of identical twins, the zygote is split after conception. Some zygotes split in 1-3 days (with 2 amniotic sacs, 2 placentas). Some split in 4-8 days (2 sacs, 1 placenta). Some split in 9-13 days (1 sac, 1 placenta) and some split after 14 days (usually conjoined twins). How can one say that ensoulment occurs at conception when later, the zygote can split and become two babies? I don’t see this being a real problem, and I have two theories that reconciles this to ensoulment at conception (I like the first one best):

1. Is it not possible that two souls can occupy the same matter for a time, when God knows they will spilt into two separate bodies? And if not, then what about conjoined twins? They are technically one body and yet obviously two distinct persons. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that two souls were created in one “body” at first, when God (who also created their bodies) also knew that it would spilt, and therefore need two souls.

2. If the idea that two souls occupying the same body is wrong, then I would say that when the zygote splits, the second baby is then “ensouled”, at the moment of separation. Now it is impossible to discern which baby had the “first soul” and which got his later, but this theory would solve the problem of two souls in one body (if a problem exists).

*Sidenote: I also don’t see a problem with two souls being in one body when I think of examples (other than conjoined twins). A possession is when a demonic spirit enters a body. Would that not be two souls (although not both human) in one body? This is another reason I favor theory number one.

This verse in the bible may also shed some light. It’s Jeremiah 1:5:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you.

So on this All Souls Day, may we remember all the souls, whenever they may animate our bodies and whenever they may leave this earth for true happiness.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-30T23:38:00.000-05:00

The story of the Jack O' Lantern:

Jack, the Irish say, grew up in a simple village where he earned a reputation for cleverness as well as laziness. He applied his fine intelligence to wiggling out of any work that was asked of him, preferring to lie under a solitary oak endlessly whittling. In order to earn money to spend at the local pub, he looked for an "easy shilling" from gambling, a pastime at which he excelled. In his whole life he never made a single enemy, never made a single friend and never performed a selfless act for anyone.

One Halloween, as it happened, the time came for him to die. When the devil arrived to take his soul, Jack was lazily drinking at the pub and asked permission to finish his ale. The devil agreed, and Jack thought fast. "If you really have any power," he said slyly, "you could transform yourself into a shilling."

The devil snorted at such child’s play and instantly changed himself into a shilling. Jack grabbed the coin. He held it tight in his hand, which bore a cross-shaped scar. The power of the cross kept the devil imprisoned there, for everyone knows the devil is powerless when faced with the cross. Jack would not let the devil free until he granted him another year of life. Jack figured that would be plenty of time to repent. The devil left Jack at the pub.

The year rolled around to the next Halloween, but Jack never got around to repenting. Again the devil appeared to claim his soul, and again Jack bargained, this time challenging him to a game of dice, an offer Satan could never resist, but a game that Jack excelled at. The devil threw snake eyes—two ones—and was about to haul him off, but Jack used a pair of dice he himself had whittled. When they landed as two threes, forming the T-shape of a cross, once again the devil was powerless. Jack bargained for more time to repent.

He kept thinking he’d get around to repentance later, at the last possible minute. But the agreed-upon day arrived and death took him by surprise. The devil hadn’t showed up and Jack soon found out why not. Before he knew it Jack was in front of the pearly gates. St. Peter shook his head sadly and could not admit him, because in his whole life Jack had never performed a single selfless act. Then Jack presented himself before the gates of hell, but the devil was still seething. Satan refused to have anything to do with him.

"Where can I go?" cried Jack. "How can I see in the darkness?"

The devil tossed a burning coal into a hollow pumpkin and ordered him to wander forever with only the pumpkin to light his path. From that day to this he has been called "Jack o’ the Lantern." Sometimes he appears on Halloween!

Find other Halloween traditions' explained here. Halloween is so awesome!

Inside the womb

2010-10-30T12:48:00.001-05:00

The part that struck me the most was when the sperm finally got inside, it seemed as if it died in order to unite with the egg's DNA. But if it didn't break apart and destroy itself, then no new life would come about. Also that all the part's of the sperm have a purpose, and after they accomplish their task, they break away.

Christianity is a religion for the lost.

2010-10-27T23:27:00.000-05:00

This sentence has really stuck with me recently. There are no pre-reqs, no resumes, and no essays to write to be a Christian. It starts with knowing you can’t save yourself, and that you need saving. I spend most of my time preparing for the future and increasing my knowledge. I want to become “successful” in the way the world defines it. But if I reach this fruitless goal, what real good have I done? I’ve wasted years trying to build myself up into something I’m not. I’ve failed over and over again, and for good reason. I am lost. I need help. Christianity doesn’t have much to offer the rich man with all the answers. But when we are really honest with ourselves, we are all lost.

Men and Women (Part 2)

2010-10-25T23:35:00.000-05:00

You have to read this article: Eight Reasons Why Men Only Should Serve at Mass by Michael P. Foley

It's not a comprehensive list by any means but I found reasons 3, 4 and 5 to be excellent:

4. The sexes' differing relations to the sacred is connected to the innate typology of the Mass. For if men are the custodians of the sacred and women the embodiment, we should find this in the Church's supreme act of worship.

And we do. Since every Mass is a mini-Incarnation, a re-actualization of the great event that took place when the "yes" of the Blessed Virgin Mary ratified the divine initiative and made God really present in her womb, the sanctuary in which the Mass takes place is effectively a womb. This is why the traditional configuration of a church sanctuary is uterine. With its demarcating border of altar rail or iconostasis, it is an "enclosed garden" (Sg 4:15), a traditional image of maidenhood. And whereas the sanctuary is feminine, her ministers, as representatives of the sanctuary's divine Husband, are masculine.

Women are the embodiment of the sacred, and men are the protectors and keepers of the sacred. How awesome is that!!? That is why I believe a woman should be veiled (along with so many other reasons), and why men must take leadership roles in the Church. I also found the imagery of the womb profound. I'll have to think more on this.

5. Male custodianship of the sacred is also linked to sacrifice. Although offering oneself as a sacrifice is equally incumbent on both sexes (Rom 12:1), men are the only ones in the Bible who offer physical immolations. Scripture doesn't say why, but we may hazard a guess. Men after the Fall are the violent sex, more likely to have recourse to bloodshed as a means of obtaining what it wants. While this does not deny that women can also be violent, it does explain the causes of war, the population of our prisons, and the consumer demographic of video-game players.

God's strategy appears to have been to channel the postlapsarian male's propensity for violence away from murder toward animal sacrifice as a way of helping him recognize his devious impulses and repent. "God in his seeming bloodthirstiness," Patrick Downey writes in his superb Desperately Wicked, "is actually more concerned with curing us of our own." This strategy culminates in the New Covenant, when its High Priest, rather than committing violence, allows Himself to be victimized by it. God's final solution to the problem of man's deicidal heart is to give him exactly what he wants.

But the cross is a true sacrifice, as is the sacrifice of the altar which re-presents it. Thus, it remains linked not only to the darkness of the human heart but to the specific problem of male violence. Serving on the altar is actually a healthy form of humiliation for men and boys, for it constitutes a confession of their wicked hearts; God's restriction of sacrifice to males in the Tabernacle, Temple, and beyond is a back-handed compliment.

I've never heard this reasoning before, but it makes sense. I have many comments, but I really would just rather discuss them. When talking about a subject such as this, it seems to be easy to reverse roles, so to speak, and put down men while raising up women. I don't wish to do this. In fact, even though the article makes good points, it seems to overplay women and underplay (even almost insulting) men. In most sermons and quotes (from very holy people, nonetheless) it seems this is a favorite strategy. I'm not really a fan of it. Both men and women have strengths and weaknesses which ultimately are used best the way God has set up his brilliant Church and universe.

What are your thoughts?

Men and Women (Part 1)

2010-10-25T22:54:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: This post may not be very coherent. I hope it is, because I feel this is a very important subject, but if it is not, please forgive me, I’m too tired to attempt to have it make sense.

Every Monday I get a dose of the “real-world”. I have ROTC class every Monday and each week we talk about a different topic. This year, the last year of the program, we are preparing for active duty and learning about “the world stage”. Today we talked about India, Pakistan, and Southeast Asia. Not only was there many undertones about population problems, but also about how women are seen as less than human.

Being viewed as less than human by a more powerful entity has always proved devastating to the “less human” peoples. In all parts of the world, in every age, this can be seen as a huge excuse for some really awful acts. Saying someone is “less than human” means you can do whatever you want to them, without having to apologize. It’s also a convenient excuse to harm someone you already hate.

I’m becoming more and more fascinated by the way God ordered the world, and in particular, men and women. The more I learn about it, the more it makes sense, and the more my heart breaks for how the world is working to destroy it (which it never can of course). For instance, in class we briefly overviewed how women are still oppressed in India. I’m not commenting on whether women in India are actually oppressed or not (because I realize that women are still oppressed, at least in some ways). The whole time I was thinking how the truths of human dignity and the foundation of human rights would do wonders for not only the people in India, but us as well.

I’m beginning to think this is one of the greatest lessons the Church has to offer the world. The Church has already done so much to bring human rights and dignity into laws and the human psyche, but yet it hasn’t been totally grasped everywhere, and people suffer for that. Just think, if the common people held human life to be of utmost importance, would there be massacres? Terrorism? Abortions? If those same people got elected, would they not work for true justice, peace, and keep the dignity of each person in mind with every new policy? If each government reflected these values in the way they governed and with dealing with other nations, would we not have a much freer and peaceful world?

If we can teach the world that each life is important and get them to live by that, the world can easily become what everyone says they want it to be.

Now back to women.
The confusion over the place and rights of women, I believe, also stems from this lack of understanding human dignity. Because we don’t really understand why people have rights, or why people are so important, when we (we is used here as “the world”) see some people getting treated seemingly different then others, we fight against it. We call it discrimination or sexism or argue that the “oppressors” think women are inferior and are holding them back, or that they are “stuck in the past”. They like to say that we know women are just as capable as men and should therefore, be put side by side with men, in all positions. This just screams a misunderstanding of who the human person is and how God has given each person certain rights.

Some trigger words that I’ve noticed send people (especially my class) into “that’s wrong” mentality:
Submissive
Veiling
Obedience

Absolutely NONE of these terms are fundamentally bad. Yes, each one can and has been twisted to use people or “suppress” them, but at their core, each is extremely good and beautiful. I’ve talked often about veiling, and really veiling is just an outward sign of being submissive and obedient. These words make some of my friends noticeably uncomfortable. The idea of being “under someone” invokes abuse and control. That is definitely something no one wants. But what does submissive really mean? Sub means “under” and missive means “mission. So being submissive means to be “under the mission”. Basically, you are to support the mission, which is something we should be doing anyway, whether that be God or a husband. I won’t speak of obedience now, but that is a sure way to get to heaven. Overall, these “bad” things are really not bad at all.

I want to teach everyone about the dignity of each person, and how women have immense dignity, just from who they are (more on this is Part 2), and how by trying to “equate” men and women, it really destroys the beauty of each one.

Itinerary for the Mission trip to Uganda:

2010-10-25T01:16:00.000-05:00

Whoa things are moving quickly (as usual)! In less than 4 weeks, I'm be on a plane heading to Africa! The last few months have been a whirlwind but I'm on track for being ready (some how!!). I wanted to post my itinerary so that you'll know what I'll be doing each day (I don't think I'll get internet access, but plan to journal each day to post it here). To find out even more about my mission trip and my fundraising efforts, click here.

Thursday, November 18th
Depart Atlanta airport at 5:25pm. Layover in Amsterdam.
I’ll be leaving Thursday afternoon from Auburn, and meeting the rest of my team at the airport.

Friday, November 19th
Arrive in Entebbe, Uganda at 8:40pm.
We will arrive in Entebbe, which is about 20 miles from Kampala

Saturday, November 20th
Medical Clinics in Kampala (one in the morning and one in the afternoon)

During a Medical Clinic, our team will have many things going on. We will have a doctors (including a few Ugandan doctors) to see the very sick, medicines, vitamins and de-wormers, and an optical station (where I will be at mostly). We will also have public health classes for the mothers (to teach them basic healthcare) and games (such as carnival-type games and face painting) for the children.

Sunday, November 21st
Mass in morning, Clinic in afternoon

Monday, November 22nd
Travel to Masaka, stop on way for a Clinic

Tuesday, November 23rd
Morning and afternoon Clinic at the Youth Center

The Youth Center is home base for Father Michael. He is the youth pastor for the Masaka Diocese and oversees about 24,000 children and young adults and uses these facilities for retreats, soccer tournaments and shelter. There are many improvements that can be made here, which we will be surveying while there. We will also purchase a vehicle for Father Michael while there.

Wednesday, November 24th
English lessons, meet with local farm owners, networking

This day will be spent going out to the people and helping them in many ways. There are pineapple plantations (and the workers do not have adequate skin protection from the pineapple thorns) and swine farms. There is also potential for car wash businesses (everyone with a car in Uganda washes it everyday).

Thursday, November 25th
Travel back to Kampala. Meet with street children.

Some street children in Kampala have learned to make traditional Ugandan art to sell in the markets. They use whatever tools they can find to carve and sand down a block of wood. We will be bringing supplies for them.

Friday, November 26th
Explore Kampala, Depart Entebbe in the afternoon. Layover in Amsterdam.

Saturday, November 27th
Arrive in Atlanta at 6:20pm.

Life tonight

2010-10-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

The moon was cool tonight. It was a blood-red perfect horizontal crescent. I’ve never seen it like that.

Does this happen to anyone else?: The sin you keep going back to confession for is the one that opportunities keep popping up to overcome them? I’ve also noticed that usually not two days go by after the confession that I encounter a situation that has “You know what to do” written all over it. That happened tonight, and so far so good! God doesn’t give up on people. Now I just have to persevere next time as well.

I am really thankful for where God has placed me. I see almost everyday why I am where I am (and ~~maybe~~ most likely a lot more I’ll never know). I pray that I am able to live up to His expectations of me.

I am now officially doing "optical" on the mission trip! I'll get trained to figure out eye prescriptions so I can give out glasses! I am so excited!! I will update on everything soon!

Well I’m off to bed. I have a physical fitness test in the morning.

Things to remind me to be happy:

2010-10-03T20:14:00.001-05:00

Reminiscing about childhood. And concluding again that boys are maniacs.

Seeing (really) pregnant women.

Hearing in a homily how the power of the Eucharist gives hope to hopeless situations, and converts the most hardest of hearts. May the Lord bless you abundantly Father Jim!

The Mass. Today, after communion, when we were all kneeling and the song was finished, I looked up at the crucifix. Jesus hung there in silence and everyone had their head bowed, deep in prayer. It seemed like Good Friday, only we were all at Calvary, there at his feet, waiting for him to die. I could see the whole Church, all previous Masses all over the world, also kneeling before Jesus on the cross. Indeed, maybe Jesus wasn’t so alone on that day He died for us.

Sleeping in then taking a nap.

Interesting beer. And having friends who bring me the weirdest beer they have ever found.

God and gender

2010-10-01T00:34:00.000-05:00

I've been interested in how gender defines our relationship with God and with each other. This is an article that explores the topic, and hits some very good points. Read the entire article here. The following is excerpts with my emphasis:

For Christianity, gender is both important and irrelevant. God creates, Christ redeems, and the Holy Spirit sanctifies men and women alike, along with Jews and Greeks, rich and poor, black and white. But, apart from salvation, gender possesses a special importance in Christianity that cannot be viewed as either accidental or superficial.

Both views flow from the fact that God is understood in the Judeo-Christian tradition as being fundamentally, if mysteriously and non-genitally-male. God is "He." True, God is also seen in some sense as transcending gender or at least as containing both male and female principles. Otherwise, he could not create both man and woman "in his image."

But the fact remains that the Lord, the unique "I AM WHO AM," is a Father God, not an androgynous divine entity. Indeed, the entire Trinitarian Godhead is male: Christ is the Son, physically, genitally, as well as ontologically. And the Holy Spirit, though in some respects linked to the Old Testament theme of "Wisdom," has been, since the dawn of Christianity, understood in male terms. The Holy Ghost is not an "it," or a "she," but a third "he," united to the Father and the Son in the intensely loving but non-erotic union of the Trinity.

Human gender is unimportant to the Christian tradition in the sense that all human souls are "feminine" animae in relation to God, the husband and the lover of each soul. In the larger sense, this view derives from the understanding of Israel as not merely God's chosen people but as his wife. The Old Testament expresses this eloquently. The Song of Songs evokes the deep love, indeed the intense, almost embarrassingly erotic desire of the lover and the beloved, allegorically or symbolically understood to represent God and his people. The prophets, Isaiah in particular, speak sometimes poetically and idealistically of Israel as God's beloved bride-Jerusalem is "wedded" to the Lord.

...

Looking at the New Testament, we may as well begin with the obvious fact that Jesus Christ chose twelve men as his Apostles; these were his original followers and his commissioned emissaries to the entire creation. Presumably, he did not choose them because men are better than women. One of the Twelve was his betrayer, a fact which Jesus knew well in advance. Moreover, no human can ever be as perfectly good as the Blessed Virgin. Mary is honored as the Queen of Heaven, Queen of Angels, Queen of Saints, etc. She is the Queen over and not the Queen among the Apostles. "Goodness," then, is not the issue.

Can it be that Jesus couldn't choose women because of the low status of women at his time? This argument has always struck me as ridiculous. Or rather, and quite simply, only those who do not believe that Jesus is God can hold such a view. As the punchline to an old joke goes, "A 500-pound gorilla can sleep anywhere he pleases." Well, God made those gorillas. God makes the rules. Are we really to believe that Jesus/God did not -- could not -- do something he wanted to do -- pick women to be Apostles -- because he was worried about what people would think?

If he did all these things, it must be because that was precisely what he, as the Son of God -- as God himself -- intended to do. No other view is even seriously worth consideration. Since women as priestesses were common in other religions of the time, it can hardly have failed to dawn on God that this was a possibility.

...

And what of Mary? God honored women by calling his Mother to a perfection that no one else -- and in particular, no man -- can achieve. Mary, imitated for centuries by both sexes, has been the very definition, not of worldly power, but of compassionate motherhood, of devoted service, of willing obedience. We are told that, from the depths of her loving heart, she "pleads for sinners." I sometimes think that that is women's most important function on this planet: like Mary, like the mother who reminded Jesus that even the dogs get to eat the crumbs that fall under the table, like the woman with the unjust judge, like Martha and Mary who wanted their brother Lazarus back, we women are here to love and to plead.

What are the advantages of accepting such a Christian, specifically Catholic, view of gender and its importance? It is worth emphasizing the advantages of such a vision of gender as compared with Protestant views. The original Protestant reformers eliminated, along with many other things, the religious dignity of the female and the feminine: they got rid of the Church, the Bride of Christ. They demoted the Blessed Virgin to an only temporarily-virgin mother of Jesus -- a nice lady, to be sure, but nothing extraordinary; no special crown in heaven for her! When they disbanded the Catholic Communion of Saints (all the redeemed being equally both wretches and holy), they sent into exile, along with the male cohort, such great female figures -- friends of men and women alike -- as Agatha, Agnes, Barbara, several Catherines, Cecilia, Christine, Dorothy, Elizabeth, and on through the saintly alphabet. In the insistence that all should marry, they eliminated the special vocation of consecrated virginity, which had given a special dignity and spiritual authority to nuns and other religious, as brides of Christ. They also attacked the indissolubility of marriage, which has -- as even many feminists now recognize -- protected women far more than men. Many holy nuns and abbesses have exercised remarkable power in the Church -- even in the world -- with a spiritual influence extending far beyond the confines of their convent. One thinks of Hildegard of Bingen, Catherine of Siena, and Teresa of Avila-of their eloquent but forthright letters to popes, kings and emperors; their wide and effective travels; and their unflagging zeal for renewal in the Church.

It is important to stress the fact that no other religion in the world, no branch of Protestantism, nor any secular ideology, has such a tradition. In Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy alone do women and feminine principles play so vital and positive a role. In traditional Christianity alone are women praised and prayed to every day by millions of the faithful.

By the time the Reformation was over, the female -- and indeed all honor paid specifically to women and femininity -- had been expunged from Protestant Christianity. The only important "female" left was the Whore of Babylon. Only males and masculinity were given important roles and glorified. The original result was that men were not only the leaders of churches, they were everything. It is not, of course, that salvation was closed to women, but women had nothing but bit parts and walk-on roles in traditional Protestant society and church.

...

Trying to remove the importance of the feminine is, in a way, trying to remove the foundation of God's love for us. Mainly, that we are the ones pursued and that we are God's bride (the one who accepts His love; a love we haven't earned nor deserve).

I also want to share a comment left by Tony Esolen that is a great thing to think about as well:

The thing that men and women need to ask themselves is, "What do I lack, that I need from the opposite sex?" And then, "How am I myself made to assist the opposite sex?" That is because the worth of manhood is in its gift to women, and the worth of womanhood is in its gift to men. Once men and women understand this, machismo and feminisma look pretty paltry, and disordered.

Can you say “Catholic” without being ecstatic?

2010-09-29T23:23:00.000-05:00

I can’t!!

The Catholic Church is so cool! Today is the Feast of St. Michael and the archangels. Not only does God love us, sends Himself down to earth for us, but He also has angels (I like to think of them as God’s entourage) who are sent by Him to do His will! St. Michael kicked Satan’s butt! And he will get to do it again! I’m so glad St. Michael is on my side, and I can ask for his help whenever I want. But even so, he doesn't compare to God and His power. Even his name reminds us that no one is like God.

I mean really, Catholicism is the most awesome thing to happen to the world, because it leads us to God in all His glory! Thank you Jesus for thinking it up!!

My daily struggle

2010-09-27T00:23:00.002-05:00

I lost today. Maybe I’m only fooling myself in trying to be an optimist. By the end of the day, all the mustered optimism has been drained into numerous disappointments (including in myself). I’m left feeling like a failure, but not in just what I hoped to do, but in who I am. I’m so tried of fighting against radical female ideals. Can’t we all just be who we are called to be, love who we are called to love, and help everyone in any way we can? Apparently, because I’m a woman, I have all these extra rules I must follow, just because that’s how it is!

I realized why I place human acknowledgments and praise so low on my priorities: I’ll never get it. I am just one of those people who are forgotten, or remembered for the wrong reasons. Truly this only bothers me when others point it out to me, or rationalize why being liked is actually a good thing. Their stance is along the lines of something like this:
When people like you, they will listen to you.
You can "win" friendships with them and influence them better.
If you are attractive, then you promote the Gospel and give glory to God in that. (aka, "Look at that beautiful woman God made!")

I don’t completely disagree with these, but if I made those my mottos, I would be a very unhappy person. I’ve never been the “sweet, well-spoken, lady-like Southern girl”, who wears cute clothes and just makes everyone around her feel great. It’s not that I think this is wrong, it’s just that it isn’t me. It is a struggle for me to be around people in the first place, and now I have to make it a priority that everyone thinks highly of me too? I don’t try to be rude and ugly, but I also don’t try to be doll-like. I’m not putting anyone down, I just don‘t think I can hear it being preached one more time.

Yes, women are beautiful. Yes, we should look feminine. But where I drawn the line is when you tell me people would rather have me soft-spoken, smiling pretty in a corner, only being used to inspire love for God by my well-accented figure and sugary compliments. I am no feminist, but when I start sensing a suppressment of women, I start to understand why people can think the church is anti-women.

The saddest part is, it’s women doing it to women. Absolutely none of my above statements have come from men. It’s the women who have all these ideas of how other women should be. This is what you get when women support each other, and it drives me crazy. (I also understand we are all very young, and have no clue what we are doing.)

I’ve always liked being friends with guys more (oh, and that’s a really big no-no). With guys, I don’t have to care if I’m “honing” my feminine skills, or crossing some useless line into inappropriate topics. We talk about interesting things, I laugh at what is funny, say exactly what I think (or say nothing at all), and I can serve them as I long to. And the best part is that they let me!! They appreciate me and let me try to make them happy. They don’t get upset at something that wasn’t meant to be insulting. They don’t try to smash me into a box labeled “good woman”. I feel more like a woman around guys than I ever have around other women. I will never be good enough around women. I will never be attractive enough for them to care about what I have to say (supposedly).

So I failed today in my fight of not caring about all this. And if I hear, “As women we…” one more time, I really am going to lose it. Please pray for me and my patience.

I sometimes wonder if this would be an issue at all if I went to a school just 700 or so miles more north.

An Answered Prayer

2010-09-23T00:23:00.001-05:00

The ban of abortions on military bases will remain in place! Give thanks to God, all the politicians who fought this, and those praying for this outcome!

Yesterday, a group of pro-life Senators led by Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Senator John McCain (R-AZ) banded together, leading an effort to block a Senate Defense-spending bill that would have opened the door for taxpayer-funded abortions on military bases. The 56-43 vote in the U.S. Senate fell four votes short of the 60 votes the bill’s proponents needed to move it forward.

Dr. Charmaine Yoest, President and CEO of AUL Action, recognized McCain and his colleagues for outstanding work as they "led the fight to win today’s key vote rejecting taxpayer-funded abortion in the military." The vote was a major setback for the abortion industry's agenda in Washington as its leaders fight to expand abortion without limitations and at any price.

"The momentum is on the side of Life," said Yoest. "We stopped taxpayer-funded abortion on military bases against overwhelming odds in the Senate. If one vote had gone the other way, the result would be different. That's why we must remain steadfast in our fight."

We've been updating you for weeks on our fight to stop the Burris Amendment to the Defense Authorization Bill, and - after yesterday - experts believe that this issue is now dead during this Congressional session.

Here is an article the Washington Times published on their wedsite before the vote took place.

Speechless

2010-09-20T23:28:00.000-05:00

Full news report here.

Vancouver, Canada, Sep 19, 2010 / 05:06 pm (CNA).- Brian Wood, a 33-year-old resident of Vancouver, B.C., was killed in an auto collision on September 3, when the driver of an oncoming SUV lost control of the vehicle and crossed the road into his lane. His wife, Erin Wood, said that Brian acted just in time to save her, and their unborn child expected to be born in November, by sacrificing himself.

Evidence from the crash, which also killed two passengers in the other vehicle's back seat, supported Ms. Wood's description of her late husband's final act: unable to avoid the errant SUV, Brian Wood slammed the brakes and swerved his side of the car toward the oncoming vehicle, ensuring his certain death but protecting his wife, pregnant with their first child.
“I think it's pretty obvious … that if it would have been a head-on crash, we both would have been killed instantly, along with our baby,” Erin Wood told NBC's Today Show on September 13. “He definitely saved us. He made that choice, and I'm thankful for that.”...

The Dark Night of the Soul

2010-09-16T23:08:00.000-05:00

by St. John Of the Cross

On a dark night,

Kindled in love with yearnings--oh, happy chance!--

I went forth without being observed,

My house being now at rest.

In darkness and secure,

By the secret ladder, disguised--oh, happy chance!--

In darkness and in concealment,

My house being now at rest.

In the happy night,

In secret, when none saw me,

Nor I beheld aught,

Without light or guide, save that which burned in my

heart.

This light guided me

More surely than the light of noonday

To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me--

A place where none appeared.

Oh, night that guided me,

Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,

Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover,

Lover transformed in the Beloved!

Upon my flowery breast,

Kept wholly for himself alone,

There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him,

And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.

The breeze blew from the turret

As I parted his locks;

With his gentle hand he wounded my neck

And caused all my senses to be suspended.

I remained, lost in oblivion;

My face I reclined on the Beloved.

All ceased and I abandoned myself,

Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.

Of Singapore and Freedom

2010-09-10T16:42:00.004-05:00

One thing I like about going home is having a collection of National Geographic’s at my fingertips. With every issue since the 70’s kept on a bookshelf, I can always keep myself occupied. I was reading “The Singapore Solution” by Mark Jacobson from the January 2010 issue (read the entire article here). Singapore is a highly technological nation, and it only has 3.7 million people on its tiny (but expanding) island. Singapore also has very restrictive laws (some include no littering or spitting on sidewalks, failing to flush toilets and no chewing gum) and harsh punishments for violating them, although they have let up in recent years.

The overview of the country is told alongside the story of the Minister Mentor, Lee Kuan Yew. He is credited by history and the people as being the mastermind behind all that Singapore is today. He attracted foreign investment, made English the official language, made a very efficient government by boosting salaries, and has virtually extinguished corruption. He was the first prime minister after independence from Britain, and is now the “Minister Mentor” to his son, the current prime minister. He says that he has had a plan all along for his country, and it looks as if it has been successful.

Singapore is the definition of success to the world: a great education and health system, corruption free government, 90% of households own their own home, taxes are low, 3% unemployment, and everyone has a savings plan (as enforced by the government). In the article, it says the word that sums up the “Singaporean existential condition” is kiasu (meaning “afraid to lose”). “Singaporeans are big on being number one in everything, but in a kiasu world, winning is never completely sweet, carrying with it the dread of ceasing to win.” The government is of one mind, and when members of parliament disagree with the majority (such as voting no to reduce the number of people allowed to assemble to protest), they simply will not serve another term.

Another interesting aspect is the campaigns relating to the family. “Assortative mating”, where college graduates should only marry other college graduates, is encouraged by the MM (Minister Mentor).

There is also the modern problem of depopulation, which the article traces back to the 1970’s population control program “Two Is Enough”. The fertility rate is now 1.29, which the MM calls a “worrying factor”. (The solution offered by the author is that “Singaporeans start having more sex”.) This has lead to the huge Chinese immigrant influx (25% of the island’s population is foreign born). Ironically, the MM isn’t to concerned about this. He welcomes hard-working people whose parents pushed them “very hard”. He said it’s the Singaporeans problem to catch up with them.

What is most troubling about all of this, however, is the ideology of Lee (the MM) behind his realized vision of Singapore. In his own words:

One must understand human nature. I have always thought that humanity was animal-like. The Confucian theory was man could be improved, but I’m not sure he can be. He can be trained, he can be disciplined.

He disagrees with America’s thinking saying, the rights of individuals to do their own thing allow them to misbehave at the expense of an orderly society.

And to that I have a reply:
Singapore is what the world is striving for and, as evidenced by reality, the way of achieving that is ridding one’s freedom. As I read the article, I wondered what the Singaporeans thought about all this. Were they really happy? Do they think a safe, comfortable life has been a good trade off for a less uncontrolled one? Singapore isn't as extreme as some other countries in how they do things, but I wonder, where should the line be drawn?

In order to have an “orderly society” freedom must be cashed in. It is true, people abuse freedom. The MM’s conclusion from this is to limit that freedom, and by doing so, you can create any kind of society you want.

But this points to a severe mistake. The mistake is thinking it is possible to take a person’s freedom away, that laws can be written against it, and punishments enforcing it. It is true people abuse freedom, but it is also true that people must have their freedom.

And that is why I have a new appreciation for America this year. For all it’s problems, hypocrisy and sins against everything (especially God), we have at least one thing right: freedom is really important.
Without freedom, “success” means nothing (see what kiasu means above). Sure you can feel safe in your bed at night, but will you ever be fulfilled in your soul? Without freedom, people cannot choose right, and therefore cannot sustain it being forced upon them (if what was forced was even right to be begin with).

America will ruin itself. Any honest person admits this. But it will go to ruin because of freedom, because people themselves brought it there, and because of another mistake about freedom: that you don't need Truth along with it.

God gave us the ultimate freedom (free will), and will respect it for eternity. Our free will is so important to God that He will never violate it, even to save us. And this is why we must protect it. Although it can very easily lead to ruin, pain, and yes, a disorderly society, we must never seek to limit it. Only in using our freedom can we ever be saved.

God has to be the strongest, and most loving entity, for He sees us in all our confused misery, and reaches down to save us. However, He will never force us to take His hand. He knows what is best for us, and yet will still let us make the ultimate decision. Wow, God is terrifyingly amazing.

Catch-up post

2010-09-10T16:14:00.001-05:00

I should be doing a great many other things besides typing this, but it has been a long, productive, and tiring week. So instead of forsaking the world and disappearing in a cave, I’ll just reclaim a few minutes for this.

Thought:
Wednesday was Mary’s birthday! The Church only celebrates three birthdays, so the rarity only makes it even more joyful! But when I listened to the gospel, I only thought of St. Joseph, and he did play a big part in the reading.

I imagined Joseph, wanting to do the right thing, just wanted the whole thing with Mary to go away, for her sake and his. But instead, he was stopped in his tracks by the angel Gabriel, who told him what had happened and what he was to do.

Joseph was a humble man. There are two sides to it: public and private. Here is this guy, who didn’t do anything wrong, who will now be whispered about and considered a sinner (at least for a while). He decided to listen to God instead. But what I find even more inspiring is his private humility of accepting his place. Joseph was going to marry Mary, they could have had their own kids (theoretically), but instead Joseph accepted that God was better than himself and welcomed Mary’s son as his own. He didn’t question why the Holy Spirit had to be involved. He didn’t ask what God was going to do for him. He realized his place. I’m sure he also felt very inadequate as well. He is Mary’s husband. The Virgin Mary! The one conceived without sin and who has never sinned! The one who God chose to carry His only Son. Now, Joseph must care for and lead the two most important people who ever lived. Both sinless, one who is God and one chosen by God since the beginning of time. That was a tall order, and yet Joseph never asked how or why. He trusted in God, knew and lived out his place, and loved God for that. St. Joseph is a model of humility. Pray for us!

Question:
Does the devil attack babies that are still in the womb?

I’ve always thought it dangerous to delay anyone’s (whether it yourself, or a child) baptism. The time that original sin is still crushing us only makes it harder and more painful to return to God. I’ve always had in the back of my mind, that the farther apart your earthly birth and new spiritual birth, the more damage that is done. This morning I had a frightful vision. I saw myself pregnant and that the devil was influencing my baby. I would order him away, calling upon St. Michael for help, but I felt helpless, because my baby was in a state of sin and separation from God. I couldn’t baptize him, for he was not yet born. It was really terrifying. Is it possible the devil can squirm into the safe recesses of the womb?

I really need to stop having nightmares.

Mary and Islam

2010-09-09T00:16:00.001-05:00

I stumbled upon this today while searching for how Muslims view Mary. Check out the whole thing here. It is a full-circle type thing (and involves Fatima too)! Happy Birthday Mary (even if i'm a bit late)

Spain
As the Moslems swept through Spain in the 8th century, a great religious treasure was buried for safe-keeping in the earth, high in the Estremadura Mountains. It was a much venerated statue of Our Lady holding the Divine Child Jesus that was a gift of Pope Gregory the Great to Bishop Leander of Seville. After the overthrow of Moorish occupation, the image was uncovered in the year 1326, subsequent to a vision of Our Lady to a humble shepherd by the name of Gil. Our Lady's very special statue was enshrined in a nearby Franciscan Monastery next to the "Wolf River."
The Moslems, during their Spanish occupation, had actually named the river. The Islamic term for Wolf River is "Guadalupe" (Guada = River; Lupe = Wolf). Hence, the famous Catholic image in Spain has been known, since the 14th century, by the Islamic name of "Our Lady of Guadalupe."

Mexico
In the fullness of time, we can be sure that Almighty God knew that the Islamic religion would pose a serious threat to Christianity. God also knew that the Spanish missionaries would face grave resistance in the "new world" from the mighty Aztec Indians. The Aztecs worshipped an evil stone "serpent god" that demanded human sacrifice. It was extremely difficult to win souls for Christ from these bloodthirsty savages. However, with God all things are possible. Our Lady appeared to a humble Aztec Indian convert by the name of Juan Diego in 1531. When asked her name by Juan Diego, at the request of the local bishop, Our Lady's response, in the Aztec language, included the words "te coatlaxopeuh" (pronounced: "te quatlasupe") and meant "one who crushes the head of the stone serpent."
To Juan Diego and his fellow Aztecs, this revelation had great meaning, coupled with the miraculous image of Our Lady standing on top of a "crescent," the symbol of this evil serpent god. A tidal wave of conversions to Catholicism ensued. However, Bishop Zumarraga, who was from Spain, made what was no doubt a "heavenly mistake" that one day may lead to the mass conversion of Moslems. To the Bishop's Spanish ears, Our Lady's Aztec name of "Te Quatlasupe" sounded just like the name of the revered Madonna from Spain with the Islamic name, "Guadalupe." Hence, the bishop named the Mexican Madonna "Our Lady of Guadalupe." It is interesting that the "crescent" is also the symbol for Islam and that America's Shrine to Our Lady has an Islamic name.

I suppose God rests, but…

2010-09-05T00:11:00.002-05:00

…I have no evidence for that. Okay, except in Genesis, where it says He rested. But really, God takes no breaks with me. Since my post on humility, and almost immediately afterwards, I’ve been bombarded with “humble-talk”. That means everyday, in some aspect (whether at Mass, taking to others, reading something, or even in class), humility comes up. It was blaring in the readings last Sunday.
At a retreat I went on last week, we touched on Ignatian Spirituality in which this is the First Principle and Foundation (underlines mine):

Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God Our Lord, and by this means to save his soul. All the other things on the face of the earth are created for man and that they may help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created. From this it follows that man is to use them as much as they help him on to his end, and ought to rid himself of them so far as they hinder him as to it. For this it is necessary to make ourselves indifferent to all created things in all that is allowed to the choice of our free will and is not prohibited to it; so that, on our part, we want not health rather than sickness, riches rather than poverty, honor rather than dishonor, long rather than short life, and so in all the rest; desiring and choosing only what is most conducive for us to the end for which we are created.

It talks about many things here, and I looked at it at the time through “humility goggles”. I can’t depend to much on created things, because they are only meant to point me to God. And I should do just that for everyone I meet, and no more.
So some thoughts:

Since God thought me into existence, and keeps me in existence because He loves me, then I must (and will) be satisfied with that. I can be satisfied (and by satisfied, I mean completely with nothing more possible) because He made me, and knows me more deeply than anyone ever could. He sees my pain clearly and perfectly and knows exactly what I need. He is the only one who can, will and does save me from darkness and death. He is the only one who truly matters and I can rely only on Him to reassure me, feed me, love me. And since I continue to exist I can be sure of His love, and that will be enough for me.
I’m sure He isn’t done with me yet.

Trip home

2010-09-04T23:22:00.001-05:00

I’m at home for the weekend, and am really enjoying being here. I never know what to expect when I come home, but it has been a peaceful and upbeat visit. We took a family picture today. It’s so rare for all of us (all four siblings and Massi, my brother-in-law, and my parents actually) to be all together at once. Now that all the kids are either in college or about to move to Montana, we figured this may be the last chance for this in a while. My brother Peter looks so different, I hardly recognized him today! About six weeks ago he had jaw surgery to reposition his jaw and align his teeth. Since then, he has been on a liquid-only diet (or as much as my brother can do) and has lost about 15 pounds. Not only have I never seen him that skinny, but because they rotated his top jaw, and did something weird to his chin, his face is just slightly different. He says that I “keep staring at him”, and my mom cautioned me that I’m the only one he lets say things like that to him, but I can’t help it! The picture of him from my memory just doesn’t match up with what I see in front of me, but I am trying to adjust. Anyway, the pictures turned out really well, even if I do not know how to not stick out my neck!

Another shock (only I was anticipating this one) is all the “remodeling” around the house. The kitchen has been painted, the cabinets lightened, and a new countertop put in. My mom finally got a breakfast bar she‘s always wanted, where the counter comes out into the room, giving space to sit down and chat with whoever is in the kitchen. The pantry has also been painted and fixed up, and the bathroom downstairs is really different! All the bedrooms (including my old one) has been changed around. My mom has also been getting back into “collage-making”. The one for the bathroom is selected pictures from places we’ve been (such as Alaska, Rome, Oregon, and New Orleans). I really like looking at all the pictures.

And one last note: Did you notice a particular reading yesterday (Sept. 3rd)? 1 Corinthians 1-5 includes the verse I use for this blog. I love love love how the Catholic Church does things, and this is just another. We practically read the entire bible one Mass at a time! And how cool is it that it was also the Memorial of St. Gregory the Great! And a first Friday! Yes, I’ve had a great weekend! Oh, and Auburn just won it’s first game! WAR EAGLE!

(with fear and trembling) The Litany of Humility:

2010-08-28T00:44:00.005-05:00

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X

I admit, I even read this powerful prayer with hesitation. I’m scared of it. I’m scared of what it suggests, and what it demands. I do not yet know how to pray this sincerely, and I know that’s a problem.

Today I had a glimpse of what it would be like to live in this frame of mind. It is to be punched in the face, run over, and spat upon. And all the while asking for more. People want others to listen to their opinions (heck, I want everyone to agree with me!), have others see themselves in a certain way, and give them compliments about spiritual things (such as seeming holy or pointing out a great bible verse). The secular world is no different. They strive for wealth, power, esteem. If you don’t jump in the game, you automatically lose. They will crush you and consider it an easy victory. Being humble is a silent retreat of self that, if done right, no one should even notice!

This makes me cringe even more. It’s not that I want awards or praises on everyone’s tongue at the mention of my name. I don’t want to be famous, or even to seem the most (fill in the blank). I don’t need or want everyone to notice everything I do and say. But I don’t want no one to notice, either. It’s nice to feel appreciated and loved. “Deliver me Jesus, from the desire of being loved”? I can’t even say that out loud. And it’s because I want that so much.

And that’s where I start. Being humble is hard, but if I can get there, even just a little, I know I will be infinitely closer to heaven. If I have to drain myself from the desire of being loved and honestly pray that others be preferred to me in everything in order to please God, then that’s what I need to do. Has there really ever been baby steps into being a Catholic?

Have no fear of being thought insignificant or unbalanced, but preach repentance with courage and simplicity. Have faith in the Lord, who has overcome the world. His Spirit speaks in you and through you, calling men and women to turn to him and observe his precepts. You will encounter some who are faithful, meek, and well disposed; they will joyfully receive you and your words. But there will be more who are skeptical, proud, blasphemous, and who will insult you and resist your message. Prepare yourselves, therefore, to bear everything with patience and humility. -Saint Francis of Assisi

New Look

2010-08-19T11:24:00.002-05:00

I decided it was time to change things around here, and this is what I found. Only I can't seem to fix a few things (mostly that the pictures are stretched and look bad). Hopefully I can figure it out.

I started classes yesterday, so things are crazy right now. I have new roommates, new classes, and a whole bunch of prior commitments that are reemerging. My church was also just assigned a newly ordained priest, Fr. Jim Morrison. He is 26 and awesome!! I have a hunch this is going to be a great year!

New Hampshire

2010-08-07T08:12:00.002-05:00

Me and my mom have had a great time so far. We explored New Hampshire yesterday. We found the cutest little town called Petersborough. I had some coconut ice cream (at a shop called Ave Maria Chocolates) and found some vintage postcards. Then we went on an adventure to find the famous covered bridges. After some time of searching (because we didn't have a real map at the time), we found one! Then we found four more, including one that had "American Gothic architecture"!

This is the first one we found, "The Carlton Bridge"

A view from the window of the bridge.

We are now heading up to Maine. We are on a quest to find "The Deserts of Maine". We thought that sounded interesting.

Vacation + me= right now!

2010-08-05T00:12:00.000-05:00

I finished my last exam, which means classes are over, and I can start my (real) summer! It also means that I am going to Maine! Me and the Moms are meeting up there for a great week! I can't wait! Look out for updates!

Friday Night Hip Hop

2010-07-30T01:05:00.000-05:00

If you are looking for something to do tonight, check out this radio station, Core 104. On Friday nights they play Christian rap and hip hop. Since discovering it, Fridays have become my favorite day of the week. If you like rap, but have wandered away recently due to the vulgar and uncreative nature of what is has become, you will love this! It really is good music with a great message!

(the link take you to a site where you stream the music live)

The Maker and the Instruction Manual

2010-07-30T00:45:00.001-05:00

A friend told me today, “I don’t know what is best for me. I have proven that.”

This is such a true statement. I fool myself into thinking I know myself, what I want, what will make me happy, what is right. The weird thing is, when I come to know I was wrong, I simply change my mind and still think I am back on the right track, only to realize I was wrong again.

I see how people get offended when someone acts like they know better. We think, “how can they know me better than myself? How could someone claim that they know what is best for me?”

The fall made us confused about ourselves. We cannot, by our own efforts, live in peace and love easily. We are lost and don’t have any idea where to go. When I’m honest with myself, I really don’t know what is best for myself.

So where do I go? Is it a lost cause of constantly trying new things and figuring out what fits best? If there is no god, then yes. I am simply a human, and can reach a conclusion from my limited reason and fleeting emotions. Definitely not an easy road. However, there is a God, who has revealed the way to happiness. Now, we must simply (?) accept this and live it out.

Which brings me back to the questions “how can they know me better than myself? How *could* someone claim that they know what is best for me?” Well , if it’s God we all keep hearing about, then *they* do. I find it so beautiful that God has given us the Church, and has revealed to it all we need for salvation and happiness. We could have *never* figured it out on our own.

Because of the Church, I know what is right and wrong. I can know, even just slightly, about the nature of God. I know how to behave, what is true and right and good, and how to live my life. If I never reached these conclusions on my own (which I should try to understand, of course), and only accepted them solely because the Church taught it, my life would already be better.

I have proven that I don’t know what is best for myself, but God has shown us by His Bride, the glorious Church. If only we could stop acting as if we created ourselves, maybe we could find peace. (I hope to talk more about this soon.)

Quick note on modesty

2010-07-26T16:37:00.000-05:00

After writing about my veil and remembering the conversation I had recently, I wanted to make a point on what the purpose of modesty is. I may talk about it further at a later time (as a lot can be said about it), but I feel that this post (below) hits the nail on the head as to why modesty should even be a concern for someone.

It called Behind Your Veil. Very appropriate I would say.

Yay for veils!

2010-07-26T00:49:00.000-05:00

I believe that the Truth will ultimately win, and so therefore, I see no need to shove it in people’s faces. I can give a simple explanation, when asked, and leave it at that, knowing the Holy Spirit will do the rest. As long as the person is reasonable and open, they will find Truth.

I’ve been wearing a veil in church for a little over a year now. I no longer worry about what people think, or if I’m wearing it right, or all the other distractions one can get caught up in when starting something like wearing a veil. It feels like second nature to put it on, and I honestly would feel weird if I didn’t have it. The past few months or so, a lot (a relative term) of people have asked me about it. And while I still don’t have a set speech, it normally ends up being short and sweet (although I can go into many reasons behind why I wear it, the history of it, what it has done for me, etc…). Just this past week, a girl stopped me. “Excuse me. Why do you wear that?” She asked genuinely but it had a hint of utter confusion. I said, “because Jesus is in there (as I pointed to the sanctuary), so I wear it out of reverence for Him. I also wear it for modesty, but mainly because of reverence.” She simply responded, “cool”. So I smiled and since I couldn’t really think of anything else (that wouldn’t have taken at least 5 minutes to explain) I walked away and went inside. I really am thankful when someone asks me about my veil.

Today at Mass I saw that girl. She was wearing what looked like a hood from a coat on her head, only with the coat still attached and hanging behind her. I’m not sure if it had anything to do with her trying to cover her hair or our short conversation, but it touched me. Here is a girl, I thought, who also follows her convictions, and even though she doesn’t have a “proper” veil, she still tries. It gave me a little more hope in people.

I love seeing women in Mass with a head covering. Some are a bit “slyer” about it than those like myself, who are obviously trying to cover their heads. Today alone, I saw a woman with a hat, a wide headband (which isn’t recognized as a head covering really, but still does a great job doing so. I also know that this is what it is meant for, as she only wears them at Mass), three others (including a middle-aged woman) with traditional veils, and the girl with the make-shift veil. And these are only those I happened to notice (as I don’t look around much). I am so happy to see that other women are recognizing this great practice and are willing to cover their heads in public! May God bless them and all women!

Secret love affair

2010-07-22T12:00:00.001-05:00

Being in a student church group is odd. It’s odd because we are all in love with the same thing (if I can even call it that), yet that love affair is so personal and beautiful, we rarely even venture into the depth of it with those very people we know share the same love.

I wonder if anyone ever thinks about how in love that quiet guy is with Jesus. Or what that one girl prays about when she goes back to her dorm. Maybe when I hear someone say a profound statement, or look really deep in prayer, I think to myself they are full of love. But really, I know that everyone is in love. Maybe even more in love than I am.

Perhaps we aren’t meant to share too much of our romance with others, no matter how close of friends they are. Some things remain highly precious and important simply because it only belongs to us. I should never hide my love, but some gifts I receive were meant for me only. They are extremely personal whisperings of Jesus straight to my heart. And I will keep them there.

So, I bet that others also have this semi-hidden love affair going on, and it only pokes out every once in a while to witness to it, or to invite others to it. How beautiful to know others are just in love as I am!

Living for Christ better be worth it

2010-07-21T22:40:00.000-05:00

If I was describing what it takes to be a Christian to someone who knew nothing about Jesus or even God, I would understand if they thought I was crazy. Our faith demands a lot from us. It isn’t just outward things, or giving up money and time, or looking happy all the time. No, it even goes farther than that. We have to conform ourselves on the inside, and monitor our thoughts and intentions. We are asked to do things we don’t want to do (and may never want to do), but still, we must do them. We are told to carry a back-breaking cross in as much silence as we can bear and still help anyone on our path. We are sometimes even asked to give up our physical lives, or worse, what we love the most.

Why would anyone do this? And why would anyone wish this upon others?

If the Catholic Church isn’t full of Truth and the Holy Spirit, it would have never survived past a few actually crazy persons. The Church demands very hard things from us and it doesn’t back down or weaken it’s stance either. And instead of dying from a lack of interest, it has grown and flourished and changed the world. Something about this way is different. It is a scheme no human could have possibly devised, for it seems so counter-intuitive that it couldn’t possibly work. But look at how many have chosen just this! And look at what has come from it!

It would be crazy to attempt any of these things if God didn’t exist, and furthermore, if He didn’t will this Church. But because, in fact, He does, I can start down this road, and succeed in it and become a saint. Doing these things would be crazy without a purpose, but when one has “the purpose”, it would be crazy not to.

Oh, Alabama

2010-07-21T18:22:00.000-05:00

Today was hot. Then I went to class. The class is in a computer lab and the air conditioner for the building was broken. During the 45 minute class, the room went from 88.9 to 89.8 degrees. Gotta love the summer.

Heavenly Night

2010-07-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

I've always loved the night. I can theorize about many reasons why, but a big one would be that it seems to present a whole new world to discover. I like that there are less people around at night. I feel more like myself. I can dance around and perhaps no one will even see me. Perfect. At night, I can see the stars. They were hidden in the sky all day; blocked by clouds and sunlight. But at night, the stars get their chance to shine. I feel small and great and loved at night. And it seems endless. I have no where to go, nothing to do, but be. Yes, I love the night.

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like in heaven. Will there be a "night" there? Will I ever get to see the stars again once I leave this earth? I am fascinated by the contrast of light and darkness(so much so that it's the major theme of this blog). Surely darkness is a "bad" thing. In darkness we wander around confused, not knowing where to go. In darkness, things seem different than they are. And although the world appears different at night, really, most is now just hidden.

But I think the darkness that the bible describes isn't the same darkness that I love at night. Night darkness isn't complete darkness (I can see the stars of course). At night, it is quieter, but not completely silent. And although I may not be able to see as much of the world as I can when the sun is out, I focus more on what I can see. I rely on, even just for a minute, my senses in a way I don't need to during the day. In the darkness at night, I feel more alive.

The biblical darkness isn't like this. It is complete darkness that is also void of other things (like truth, hope and love). One cannot hear the voice of God in this darkness because there is nothing good there. It cripples the senses instead, because there is nothing to experience. This darkness is horrible, because God is not there.

During the night, the night that God created, hope is inherit. When the sun is missing, I know it will soon rise again, and the world will be as I remember. And while I love the night, I must sleep in order to enjoy the day also. Maybe there will be a "night" in heaven, only one that is even better than tonight.

What can I say when words utterly fail?

2010-07-14T01:46:00.000-05:00

How firmly do I believe in God? This week’s readings have been asking me that. This week’s world events have been challenging my answers. Even now, I question how much I should share here. This may be vague, but I must say it. Everyday I feel (and see) the battle for souls raging, and God Himself has told me to play a part in it. Maybe I’m overemphasizing, but every other time in my life that I’ve felt this way or been in a similar situation, something profound has happened. It was something that unmistakably God orchestrated from the start. I will be in awe of God for the rest of eternity.

How firmly do I believe in Him? More firmly than I believe I exist. More firmly than the love of my parents or the laws of physics and nature. My entire being is a witness to Him and that hardly does God justice. My issue of trusting God is being burned away, and I welcome it. Nothing I can say can hint at how I feel, or what I would do, or what I know. And that isn’t the important thing anyway. All God wants is everything I have. He can have it. It was never mine anyway.

So, I'm going to Africa!

2010-07-11T12:24:00.005-05:00

Goodness a lot has happened this past week! In short, I will be traveling to Uganda with Four Corners Ministries Inc! See their website here. We will be meeting up with Fr. Michael in Uganda for four days, then traveling to Sudan. I am going with a group of consisting of a doctor, nurses, and college students and will be assisting with the medical care and distribution of medicine in Uganda. While there, we will also help in many many more ways! I am so excited! Please pray for me, as this will be my very first mission trip and definitely my first time to witness anything on this scale. Please pray also for the others joining us, Four Corners Ministries Inc.’s future projects, and especially for the children and adults in Africa who need food, water, shelter and love from others. This is my letter I’ll be sending out (altered slightly for this blog):

Kelley, Fr. Michael, Me!

Mission 2010: Uganda and Sudan

“Do your best to speed Ze’nas the lawyer and Apol’los on their way; see that they lack nothing. And let our people learn to apply themselves to good deeds, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not to be unfruitful.” -Titus 3:13-14

Dear YOU!

During my first summer in Auburn, Alabama, my church, St. Michael’s hosted a visiting priest from Uganda, Fr. Michael Ssenfuma. He comes from a very poor and war-torn part of the world that struggles everyday for basic needs like food, shelter and basic education. Many children die from preventable diseases and dehydration. Despite this, Fr. Michael is one of the most joyous and inspiring people I have ever met. His love for God and his daily work to do all he can for others has impacted me and everyone he meets in Auburn. Two years ago, during his first summer in the United States, we talked about Uganda and some of his hopes for the future. He wants to show the youth there that God, and other people, really love them, and give them the resources to grow in their faith and live out what God is calling each of them to be.

Since meeting Fr. Michael, I know I needed to do something to help with this mission. In the past my efforts didn’t go far. This year, however, I learned about a group of doctors and nurses from Alabama who will be traveling with Four Corners Ministries Inc. to Uganda to lay the groundwork for a orphanage and help with the medical needs in this desperate part of Africa. When in Uganda, we will meet with Fr. Michael in his hometown of Masaka and provide medical treatment and supplies for extremely impoverished children and their families. We will also travel to Kampala where we will do the same. I am learning how to figure out a person’s eye prescription so that I’ll be able to hand out glasses to those who need them. I will also assist the doctors in whatever way I can with distributing medicine and medical care.

In the next few years, Four Corners Ministries Inc. will be building an orphanage in Uganda. This will be set up in a family structure, where a couple will look after (up to) eight children in a stand alone house. Other houses will form the community of the orphanage. This is called Abaana’s Hope. Abaana is an Ugandan word meaning children. By living in a loving intimate family environment, these children will have the necessary foundation to lead a love-centered life and reach for their dreams.

I will be traveling to Uganda this Thanksgiving break, leaving November 18th and returning November 27th. I am excited that God has allowed me this opportunity to serve Him overseas. By doing this, I hope to spread Christ’s love to whoever I may meet and to also raise awareness of the struggles many children face in Africa. By supporting me first in prayer, you are already improving the world and making this mission a success. Please pray for me during the preparation for and duration of the trip.

You can also support me by providing funds that will allow me to have the opportunity to serve as the “hands and feet of Christ” in Uganda. I have already fundraised about $2,000 for my trip. This leaves about $1,500 left to raise. The cost of the trip includes airfare, food, lodging and other travel expenses. I am still fundraising in other ways, including collecting change to purchase rosaries and informative pamphlets on different topics (such as the sacraments). I’m calling this separate account “Pennies for Prayers”, as it will help give the children a stronger foundation for their faith. Any monies donated can go to either my trip costs, Pennies for Prayers, or directly to Four Corners. Through your support, the love of Christ will be demonstrated to those who are hurting physically, socially, and spiritually.

Thank you for being a part of my support team. I absolutely cannot do this alone, and it can only be done through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for your investment of prayers and funds. Thank you for caring. It is very encouraging to have people who love the Lord praying for me. God will bless you through your prayers and giving. Colossians 4:2-4 reads:

“Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us also, that God may open a door for the word, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.”

This was Paul’s request to the church of Colossae; I am also making this my request to you. Whether you donate money or resources, the greatest thing that you can do for me is pray. Thank you.

You can contact me at ruth@auburn.edu. You can also donate by clicking the donate button at the top of the page. Learn more about Four Corners Ministries Inc. at 4cornersministries.org
Fr. Michael has a music ministry. His first album, Njagala, is available on iTunes and his second album will be released soon.

In Christ, Ruth Yusckat

p.s. See my itinerary of my trip here.

Faith without works is dead

2010-07-06T00:48:00.000-05:00

How would you go about winning over a heart? Is it with words that draws another closer, or is it more of our actions that speaks the loudest?

Today, I realized how hollow my faith is. I do a lot of talking but hardly any acting. I go to bible studies, apologetic classes, daily Masses, and talk all the time to my (Catholic) friends about my faith. I am missing a very important element of service. Praying and fellowship are very important and good, but I don’t want to lose sight of one of the main things Jesus called us to do. We must care for one another. That is people we don’t know. People we don’t like. People who aren’t like us, or that we can “relate” to very well. People who seem beyond help (in whatever capacity). I am called to love them. And I have failed miserably at that.

Jesus walked around and healed people, comforted them, and saved them. After Peter tells Jesus he loves him, Jesus tells Peter to feed and take care of his sheep. How much more evangelizing could we do if we actively loved undesirable people! Helping drunk homeless, hanging out with a bratty kid, collecting food, there is so many things that could show others Christ’s love, without us ever saying a word!

Oh, but how I would much rather walk around and talk to people about Jesus than actually being Jesus for others! Seeing the homeless, talking to the sick and lonely, providing for those who lost a lot in a disaster is hard and unattractive. It is something I avoid. And it’s a shame I’ve never been called out on it!

I’m writing about this because at my church’s student center we have very little opportunity to serve others (who aren’t our friends) and even less participation. I hope to change this. I can’t make excuses anymore about why I can’t do something. Anyone can always do something. I hide behind those excuses, because I didn’t really want to do it in the first place. So where does that leave my faith? It leaves it pretty fruitless.

Even sitting here writing about this, I realize, may be a waste of speech. But I hope it will keep me accountable in the next few months. If I go on talking about action, without action, I must either become silent, or “put my money where my mouth is”. I’m hoping for the latter. My faith is not empty and there is much work to do.

Liturgy, prayers and the Divine

2010-06-29T00:26:00.002-05:00

Traditional prayers, especially memorized prayers, and the liturgy have a lot of value. For one, they bring us together and unites our minds in the same moment, speaking, declaring, thinking, the same things. I had a glimpse of what this means for us today in a Communion service. A communion service is much like a Mass, in that there are readings, petitions and Communion, but a priest isn’t present and many elements are missing (such as the Liturgy of the Eucharist). One thing, among others, that remains is the response right before Communion, “Lord I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” Today, as I was saying this, I heard everyone else say it too, and it hit me: we are uniting our minds and attitudes before the Lord. We are acting as one body.

I have read why the liturgy is important, but the idea of liturgy has always seemed vague and intangible. But now I see that it is the means to unite the Church. That is why the liturgy is so important. Every element in it has the purpose of this end. We come to Mass to worship together, and through the liturgy we are together but we also worship. I think the liturgy, as one reason, remains hard to change (and many are very passionate about never changing it) is that it leads us to worship in a more perfect way. The movements, gestures, symbols, words, they all guide us to somewhere we can’t take ourselves. Even the phrase, I’m not worthy, can put us in a more proper mindset for Communion, the mindset we are supposed to be in. In a way, I think the liturgy sloughs off the world from us. We say, along with everyone else, all the responses whether we believe them or not, and whether we understand them or not, and either way, that does something to us. We aren’t the same. We submit, even if just a little, and truly begin to praise God. We no longer have to try to impress others by our prayer, for it is the same one everyone else is praying. We can concentrate on the words and the meaning and on God Himself, instead of what “sounds right” and making sure we didn’t leave something out. Memorized and unified prayers eases the mind of worldly concerns.

I also thought about how we can know (and surely that it has to be) that the liturgy is from God and not man. If the liturgy is something that man, prayerfully or not, wrote or constructed or developed, then it would be limited. Limited in Truth and in worship and in what we gain from it. If man wrote it, any other man, theoretically, can reach the summit of it, and be left unfulfilled, because they have received all that can be received from it. However, this has never been the case. With every Mass, and memorized prayer, there is always something else to discover, something else to learn. As in Scripture (which is also inspired by God), one can never reach its depth of wisdom and insight. This would be impossible for a man-written text or screenplay. The liturgy however, always has something more to tell us, in whatever stage of life we may be in. This can only be attributed to the divine. This is only another benefit of the liturgy and traditional prayers.

The last point on this follows from the second. Since these prayers and liturgy is given to us instead of created, it is then more perfect than something humans could ever produce. This is how God wishes to be praised. This is how He wants to be thought of. This is how He wants us to pray. When we participate in this, our minds, hearts and souls are raised to this new level, which is unachievable by human efforts. Our very selves are offered to God. We are united to Christ, and not Christ uniting to us. This is not to say God doesn’t offer Himself to us, for He surly does (through the Holy Spirit and the Eucharist) but that He has come to us to bring us to Him. We cannot stay here; we must go to the Magnificent One. The liturgy allows us to do this.

I am still amazed that years and even decades of going to the same Mass and listening to the same prayers, that it doesn’t grow old. It is these very things instead, that are a fountain of newness. No other thing I’ve ever experienced claims this and no other has ever come close to what I’ve described here.

Check out Fr. Longenecker’s commentary on the Lord’s Prayer.

Random things

2010-06-26T00:54:00.003-05:00

Some tidbits from the week:
I have always liked P!nk. She is a rocker who doesn't mindlessly follow trends. She has true depth and I've always been attracted to her honesty. Anyway, this song has started playing on the radio. I've always loved it. (I don't know how to upload a song, so just listen to it here.)

Today I finished a class. It feels good to be done with another class. Maybe I will actually graduate one day. Two left to go for the summer!

This week, my roommates had a lot of bonding time. We took a left-handed test, and I taught Ashley how to sweep properly and how to use a power drill. That was fun. Today, we had our last roommate dinner. Tomorrow will take Taylor away from us, and Erin not much later. It was a bittersweet night.

Ashley, Erin, Taylor, Me

I found another gem in my bible today. It's from Phil 3:2-3, which says, "Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of the false circumcision; for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh". True circiumcision refers to the spiritual circumcision of the heart, which happens at Baptism. This spiritual circumcision is obviously prefigured with bodily circumcision, but is no longer neccesary (because we now have the true circumcism). Deuteronomy 30:6 tells us that God will circumcise our hearts so that we will love God with all our hearts and souls. VERY COOL!

My family is on an Alaskan cruise right now. I couldn't go because of my classes, but last I heard they watched a lumberjack show.

I've been thinking a lot lately about judging. When did I come to think I am the one who has everything so figured out that everyone should listen to every preference of mine like it's fact? It makes sense to want to agree with and like everything you believe, but some things just don't matter. I have a duty to correct sin, or in the least pray for those I see sinning. I also have a duty to strive for holiness myself, and going around as if I'm perfect, with all the answers and that everyone eles is simply wrong, is not a promising path. I think this thinking also leads into the idea that you can choose what to believe, or that you can disagree with the church or what it allows. I need to work on my humility.

Here's a quote from http://abbey-roads.blogspot.com/2010/06/just-thought.html:

"What if you were the reason a person refused to come back to Christ? What if your self-righteous, judgmental, dogmatic, theologically correct attitude repelled a soul from accepting Church teaching, from reconciling with the Church, from faith itself? What if they were just on the edge of conversion and one of your contemptuous sneers, caustic remarks, or hostile snubs drove them away?"

I also read this, which talks about emptying ourselves of what we think we know.

Interesting findings

2010-06-22T23:43:00.000-05:00

Some things I found interesting today:

The word porn (I assume) comes from the Greek word porneia. (By the way, I'm getting this tidbit from my new Ignatius Catholic Study Bible New Testament!) It is used by Jesus as the "exception" for divorce, and is translated there (Matthew 19:9) as unchastity. In other instances, it is translated as adultery and harlotry, and can also refer to incest. Bascially, one should want nothing to do with porneia (or porn).

The Manutergium was once used during the ordination of priests. Check out this cool tradtion and watch the video of hands becoming beautiful!

Being a woman

2010-06-22T00:38:00.000-05:00

I went to a bible study today. We were talking about the dignity of womanhood. The question, what does it mean to be a woman, was asked, and silence followed. No one quite knew what to say. I suppose it could be answered in a lot of ways, but most answers, I suspect, involve doing something. Caring for children, going to work, “inspiring”. These all are alright, but I don’t think these make someone a woman.

By birth, I am female, and so I can say God wanted me to be a woman. I say to be a woman is to be who God made me. I shouldn’t have to worry about what is “feminine” (which is defined by someone else). I shouldn’t have to fulfill a role imposed on me (including going to work). I should strive for holiness, and to become the person God made me to be. By doing this, I will not only be a woman, but the woman God wants.

After the rise of feminism, and embracing the awesomeness of being a woman, many women are left wondering just what that means. I think it isn’t too complicated. Discern, like anything else, your vocation, and boldly live that out. Then you will BE a woman!

Year in review (roommate edition) and a peep ahead

2010-06-19T02:38:00.002-05:00

My conclusion for the year: The people I think I know well, I really only barely know. Living with someone is a growing experience. Not just in the surface, “I will learn more” and share a lot of experiences with a person, but that I will realize things about a person I never saw before, or would never expect. It’s both good and bad.

This past year has been my first true roommate situation, in that I’ve lived here (and not simply slept here) and that we have all grown together (and not simply avoided each other). Yes, I’ve learned a lot about them, but even more about myself. I now dare call myself an introvert, and I’ve recently come to the conclusion that all three of my roommates are extroverts. Although I try to avoid the trite classification of people, I think this particular distinction has also led me to learn some things about myself.

For instance, I don’t communicate with many people on a day to day basis. I see my friends, and particularly, my roommates, always texting someone, receiving calls, making calls, meeting up with tons of people, and comparatively I hardly do any of that. This, at first, bothered me. But on the days I do text many people, or have to make a lot of calls, I’m relieved when I’m done with it. It seems to be a case of seeing others happy and trying to mimic the outside doings. But really this won’t contribute much to my own happiness because that is not how I respond to those things.

Also, my roommates are one thousand times better than me at always having something to discuss. They are much more interested in fashion, and how people interact with other people than myself, and thus always have something to say. Again, realizing this has helped me not get overwhelmed when I seem to be lacking.

I’ve grown to like myself a whole lot more. I have seen how others process information, communicate to others, and make decisions, and I’ve been able to analyze how I do these things too. It’s made me more confident in my decisions and get a good understanding of why I think and do certain things. And these “whys” aren’t necessarily needed for me to explain to others. I’d actually rather have them for myself so that I can retain peace in my heart.

Although this year I’ve gotten very close with all of them, I have had to struggle for my place here and for them to understand me. If you get me going, I will talk on and on about things. I like to think about things from different angles, test ideas, play around with solutions. None of my roommates are very good to do this with. I think it is because I seem to contradict myself. This sort of discussion also requires a lot of time and participation. Normally, someone breaks in and explains something to me (that I understand already), offers a solution (which isn’t really what I was after), or completely misses what I’m talking about at all. It can be frustrating. Even with these few differences in personality (and maybe because of them), I couldn’t have dreamed of better roommates. I have had a great year with them and will miss living with them.

I also miss blogging. It provides a place where I can be confused, and no one will offer suggestions or comments until I’ve got it all out. I’ve seen, especially this year, that the world is moving much too quickly for the heart’s needs to be met. My heart needs quiet, simple things, a listening ear (be that God’s or a friend’s), adventure, and a whole lot more time than I will probably ever get.

I hope in the next year, I can use this blog to focus on these things. Traveling has always provided a quick way to get all of them, and I have some great trips planned. In August, I’ll be going to Maine with my mom. We’ve never been before, and look forward to exploring Acadia National Park and the Catholic history there. She has also booked a hotel in Mexico for December! We will be staying in Merida and seeing Mayan ruins! Not much else has been planned yet for the trips, but I can’t wait!

Discernment doesn't have to be painful

2010-03-30T15:11:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a big day for the sophomores in ROTC. EA’s (enrollment allocations, for field training) came out. By getting an EA, the Air Force is essentially saving you a spot as an officer in the year you graduate. By getting an EA, you basically get hired. Normally, it’s a pretty good chance someone will get an EA (so long as they have ok grades and can pass the physical fitness test) But this year, about 25% of sophomores have been cut nationally (meaning they won’t receive an EA and will no longer be in ROTC). Our detachment at Auburn always does better than the national statistics, but that still translated into a 17% cut, or 5 cadets that were told yesterday that they are no longer a cadet. One of these people was my mentee, who is also the person I asked for advice about discernment not too long ago.

It hard to be rejected, especially when you really put yourself out there, and it’s something you really want and have worked hard for. However, sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. I was reminded how I should work everyday to focus on true and lasting goals, ones that God also wants me chasing after, which ultimately is only one goal, with two main branches. The goal is to love God. The branches are to pray and serve others. As long as you don’t stray far from the true goal, rejection may not be so devastating.

It’s hard to discern sometimes. I think people like to gravitate towards having a successful sounding story. Saying I was in the military and had a long and decorated career would be ideal, along with the perfect family, in a beautiful house, and blah, blah, blah. The ideas we have for our life however hardly ever work out. At the time we can be crushed, especially when it wasn’t completely selfish (like serving your country, or starting a religious group). But one thing is sure, when a door is closed on you, most likely, God didn’t want you to go through it.

In order to keep the trauma down, it’s good to keep in mind “the goal”. There are many ways to love God, and God will eventually lead you to the only way that you were meant to do it. And while waiting for the path to be made clear may be hard and confusing, praying and serving others will still lead you to love God. And most likely, you will end up with an unbelievable story at the end of your life.

O how I love You, my God!

2010-03-24T23:51:00.002-05:00

Today was the last official RCIA class. Next week is the rehearsal for the big day. I can’t believe it’s almost here. I don’t think this blog post could capture how much excitement and joy thinking about the Easter Vigil brings me. I am so blessed.

Not only have I been able to witness the process of RCIA, met some great people and heard some remarkable stories, but I will also be a more concrete part of it. My godchild, Brittany, will be baptized, enter into the Catholic Church and sealed with the Holy Spirit. Not only will I be present for this, but also take part in it. I will be touching her when the Holy Spirit enters her. Today we talked about this, and she mentioned how she thought she might cry. I told her that when I was confirmed, I cried. It is so overwhelming to contemplate what will actually go on that day, how could you not cry?

Today I thank God for using me. Never would I have dreamed this would happen. When I met Brittany over a year ago, I never thought we would be here now. About a year ago, Brittany, me, and a few of our friends were out for ice cream, and something happened. Since that night I’ve prayed for her. Never would I think this is where we would be led to. I am so thankful for the chance to guide her, to be a part of her life, and I pray that we can continue in our journeys together.

Next Saturday is the big day. Her entire family (fallen away Catholics, devout Catholics, anti-Catholic Baptists) will visit and witness the same things I will. May we also pray for them. In these final days of Lent, may we reach up to Jesus, take His hand and go with Him wherever He goes. Its no use in asking Him where, just go!

One Thousand Gifts

2010-03-22T23:19:00.000-05:00

33. Butterflies
34. Underappreciated art
35. Petticoat Palms
36. the Holy Spirit
37. Showers
38. Beautiful churches
39. Playgrounds
40. Trampolines
41. the ability to do flips
42. Ocean Waves

One Thousand Gifts

2010-03-15T23:50:00.000-05:00

26. History

27. Family traditions

28. Moving to a new phase in life

29. God's love, in the form of food, sunshine, laughter, and plans going well

30. Rain

31. Acceptance

32. Sunscreen

A visit to Mobile

2010-03-15T01:50:00.002-05:00

I went to Mass at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Mobile. It was so beautiful. There was something about today, or Mass, or the church itself. Today I could almost see the Holy Spirit hovering in that church. Although I had been there before, I seemed to overlook the rich colors, and breathtaking stained glass, the towering and magnificent organ, and the awesome stations. There was something different, and although it wasn’t a Latin Mass, there was a real, noticeable, moving difference.

The schola choir, out of sight, but so present, in song and emotion and prayer, sang a pre-entrance song. Then, the incense led the way, preparing the path for the Word of God and the holy priest, who was clothed with rose (not pink!). The songs were perfect for today, and were sung even more so.

I love when they incense the alter, the pulpit, the congregation. The smoke rising and filling the space banishes all evil from even attempting to enter. This is a holy place. And there is just something about being incensed that just makes you be still and realize God is with us.

And the readings today! And the homily? It gushed with Truth. Have you ever listened to something and knew, without much analysis (although it could withstand, and be strengthened by it), deep within and honestly that this is Truth? That is what the homily was today. Pure truth. I love priests for many reasons, but one, no doubt, is for their homilies. He told the story of the human heart, and how it loves drama. How it finds it so hard to simply accept God’s love, but how that is what we need to do most. He spoke of the struggle to reach hope, truth, and love, and that it is a long and painful journey. He also put into words how that journey is so worth everything that it requires.

Afterwards we went into the crypt.

I love our Church.

On another note, I wanted to point out the "risen Jesus" that seems to hover in mid air above the alter. It is reminiscent of another church I had visited the last time I was in Mobile. Only this other statue was a crucifix. My friend, as we approached the church, warned me of the "superman Jesus", and it was disturbing. But this representation of Jesus made sense. If you look at the picture closer, there is a more traditional crucifix above the tabernacle. But as the eye moves upward, towards heaven, Jesus is resurrected, and has a glorified body. He also is no longer on the cross. Here it makes sense for him to be more like superman. Maybe the other churches in Mobile can take a few tips from the Cathedral.

Where heavenly music is made

The Wedding at Cana

The Annunciation

The conopeum

St. Patrick (very appropriate)

Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem

Entrance to the crypt

The crypt

Past Bishops

I'm being silly

My mom at the cool staircase leading out/in

Three steps forward, one back

2010-03-12T10:51:00.004-06:00

Recently, I’ve witnessed the cultures clashing in a more obvious way. People are talking more openly about these things, and that can only be a good thing. Many of my friends from high school are either mothers or are currently pregnant. One could look at it a few ways. One is that they are too young (and not married) to be having sex, and therefore having babies. Another is that it’s a huge success that young women are choosing to carry their baby and keep them. I like to focus more on the latter because the pregnancies are real, and going back is no longer an option for them.

A lot of women (my age or younger) that I know are having babies. What does this mean? In addition to what I’ve already stated above, it seems that, in the least, these individuals are recognizing the value of life. Having sex is one thing, getting pregnant and choosing to keep your baby is another. I view this as a huge up-swing in the pro-life movement. With the help of facebook, not only are these women sharing what a joy having a baby is (by posting pictures and statuses about them), but all their facebook friends are seeing that too. One can also gather from facebook how a women feels and thinks about her pregnancy and baby. Quoting from a profile, a friend from high school states, “I was a nineteen year old mama. Meaning, yes, I will be thirty-seven when my little [baby] graduates high school. You can't judge me. My baby has changed my life. He was unexpected, but he will never be a mistake.”

I believe only good can come from these and similar situations. People can no longer be told about the hardships of having a kid, and how it is awful and that it will ruin their life. Being told these lies no longer work, because they can see the truth. Another good can also come from these seemingly bad situations. If a girl gets pregnant, she is no longer alone. She has friends, has heard of people, probably knows others that have been exactly where she is. She will probably be less afraid to choose life, knowing that she can be supported (at least by advice and friends) better. Yes, I truly have hope for my generation and the pro-life movement.

Although great steps have been made, sadly I also see the evil mindset is still firmly in place. That same friend that I quoted is adamantly pro-choice, and many other friends see all the new babies as a mistake. But even this is interesting because the ones who have negative attitudes towards raising a child young recognize that is because they are selfish, or that kids that young don’t need to be having sex. Even here, I only see the situation improving.

But does the rest of society, and (debatably) more importantly legislature, match up with this new trend? Yes and no. I read this article, in which a bill headed by Planned Parenthood and NARAL were defeated by the Virginia House and Senate and their lame tactics exposed. In fact, the pro-abortion plan backfired on them. But I also learned from Father Zehnle that the Illinois FOCA has passed out of committee and will move on to the next step.

Which is better, to win the laws, or win the hearts? Ultimately the choice is up to the woman, so changing hearts is critical. However, the laws need to be changed to reflect those changes as well as help influence others to side with life. Let’s keep praying!

Days of Graditude-->One Thousand Gifts

2010-03-08T11:08:00.002-06:00

Let's try this again:

19. Sunny days

20. calculators, and knowledge of how to use them

21. a great night sleep

22. clean socks

23. a mother with a sense of humor

24. moments of reminiscing through embarrassing stories

25. Great roommates

Discerning the Will

2010-03-03T23:43:00.003-06:00

Foreword: This post relates mostly to ROTC and knowing if joining the military is God’s will. I have a friend (who isn’t Catholic but is a faith-filled Christian) who is struggling with staying in the program. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Me and discerning have always had a funny relationship. Most of the time, I don’t even have to formally discern. I start praying (or even just go about a regular day), and God interrupts by telling me exactly what He wants me to do. Honestly, I wish I could say that I then go and immediately do it and all is well, but, unfortunately, I can’t.

Instead I think “Really? Are you sure? You must mean someone else, because I can't do that.” But then God roars back at me, “You can because I say you can.” Well, what else can I say after that? I shut up and go off, and lo and behold, He gets me through.

I blame myself for this predicament (although it’s a very nice, in a heavenly way, kind of predicament). I know I have problems trusting God, so almost every day I pray that God will do whatever He wants with me. I ask Him to ignore my whining, and literally drag me, if need be, towards Him and to fully trusting Him. I know this isn’t the attitude we are supposed to have, but I have to start somewhere. And since doing this, God has taken full advantage of my offer.

I have no clue as to what I’m doing. God tells me everything. Looking at what has happened in my life thus far, I’m astounded. Looking forward to where all of this is leading me, I am in frightened awe. For all my fighting, and bad attitude and attempts at sabotage, I’m still here, on the same path He put me on. I’ve never seriously questioned God’s will, at least for this aspect of my life. God is making me trust Him. And I thank Him everyday for that.

So what do you do to help someone who doesn’t know where God wants them? Trying to give advice is almost impossible. For me, it doesn’t take much to be hit in the face with God’s plan. But I can’t say that to someone who isn’t experiencing the same thing.

Discernment.

What a journey of patience and trust! Maybe that is why God has to be so “in my face” all the time. I lack both.

So, any suggestions on giving advice about discerning? My friend has good intentions, which I think is a great start. I know prayer is huge, but on time sensitive decisions, is there anything else that can move the discernment process along? Any tips (or comments on how bad a person I am) is appreciated. Thank you for reading!

Our ever-growing Church and my new title

2010-02-25T00:18:00.004-06:00

A week ago, I was asked to be a sponsor for a friend that has been attending RCIA with me this past year. I was honored and thrilled that she wanted to enter the Church! Although she couldn’t make it to the Rite of Election this past Saturday, I went, along with others from our parish, to Montgomery, where Archbishop Rodi celebrated it. It was unbelievable. There were very few other times in my life that I have felt so privileged to witness something this profound and significant. It kind of puts your life into perspective when you see what you are an integral part of. I’m so glad I went.

While there, I also learned something surprising. My friend, Brittany, hasn’t been baptized. This officially makes her a catechumen and part of the Elect. This also would make me her godmother. AHHH!!! I was a bit thrown off by that. But after meeting with her to go over what she missed, and discussing the godmother thing with our priest, it looks like I will, in fact, be her godmother. Please pray that I won’t be an utter failure for her sake!

In just the short amount of time in RCIA, and more specifically, with Brittany, I have gained more than I ever thought I would. Just knowing that she desires to become Catholic is a true joy. This week, I explained that she has been called by God and now she is responding to God. I explained what it meant to enter the Church and join in the Communion of Saints. I explained to her that the entire Church, past, present and future, was praying for her and all those on their journey towards the Easter sacraments. Our Church is deeply personal and is deeply communal. Our Church is truly amazing and beautiful.

Please pray for all those, baptized or not, that wish to enter into the life of the Church. How exciting!

The Power of the Cross

2010-02-24T23:23:00.003-06:00

Some people make fun and see it as a weakness that Jesus, who claimed, and who many many people believe, to be God, was nailed to a cross and died. On the surface they seem right to think so. After all, isn’t God all-powerful and He wouldn’t possibly allow Himself to be humiliated like that? And surely, God couldn’t die. However, after thinking about it at all, it is easily recognized just how great this is. If God really became a man, and really allowed himself to go through all that, then there must be a reason. That reason is for us. Then the truth is easy to see. This was no small, weak event. This was huge. This act, which humbled God and exposed Him to all of us, His creation, proves that He is God and that He loves us, more than we will ever know. God is so powerful that He can be weak, so wise that He can seem foolish by doing something like this. No other god or religion has claimed anything like this. This God, my God, is not weak, but has proven His love, and thus has proven His self. What dignity God has placed is us that He would do that for us! That is the God that I love!

Still lost

2010-02-06T00:33:00.002-06:00

I’ve been constantly disappointed this semester. It’s not that things aren't going well, they are. It's that something vital seems to be missing. I am lonely. Recently, I’ve made some big steps to being totally fulfilled by God, but it seems to be for naught because then I backtrack and still feel like I’m missing out on something. It’s hard to be patient, and even harder to be content. When a door closes or you see something you were excited for dwindle away, it’s sad. It’s not that I don’t think something else great will take it’s place, but that that opportunity is dead. It will never come to existence, it was a fantasy, an option, that I now have to move on from. I’ve felt all that I’ve done recently is accept things. Accepting means I won’t try to make it into something greater or different than the reality. My world seems duller. People don’t seem as interesting. I realize just how inadequate and lonely I am. And while my first reaction is to run back to my fantasies, I know that causes more pain overall, and I would rather live in the truth, even if it’s not all exciting.

After reading this, I feel that I seem to have no hope for the future, but I think it’s just because I would rather have the future I want, that I’ve imagined. How do I change my mindset from being sad at my thwarted plans and excited again for life, right now? Every time I try to have hope for the future, I begin to fantasize again, and the cycle repeats. I think I expect way to much from everyone and everything. No wonder I’m always disappointed. I know the stock answer, but what do I do if that isn’t working?

Among the Billion

2010-02-05T11:34:00.003-06:00

I read this, and couldn't help myself from reposting it here. Please read it, if you don't already read Fr. Longenecker's blog. The tsunami is coming, and has already started to break.

"The Catholic Church teaches that."

2010-02-03T23:22:00.001-06:00

I heard this phrase again tonight, only it struck me a different way. We shouldn’t look at the Catholic Church as something outside us, that we come into contact with every so often. Instead, if we are members, the ones actually making up the Church, then when we say, “the Catholic Church teaches …”, we should be thinking also, "and that’s what I believe". Because if we don’t agree or even oppose the teachings of the Church, then we aren’t fulfilling our role as members of the Mystical Body of Christ. This is more than symbolic. In our baptism, we really enter into the Church, and therefore are joined to it. By working against Catholic teaching, we are then, in a way, working against our very selves. It’s not so much to say we should blindly follow these teachings, but instead recognize them as truth and learn more. It’s as if the stomach growls, we instinctively know that our body is hungry. But we can learn further that it’s because we haven’t eaten, and we may learn exactly how the stomach makes the growling noise. Listening to our body, and being good to it, and living in truth with it, will make our body healthy. The same goes for the Church.

Over Here

2010-02-02T23:37:00.004-06:00

My mom is back in the United States! She made it back Saturday night and I was finally able to talk to her. She sounds even better than the last time we spoke.

Although I haven't been so good with the gratitude on here, I think this is a great thing to be thankful for. Thanks to St. Rita and St. Michael for their constant prayers and protection and to God who kept her safe and happy too. I thank Him for this absurd twist that has brought much growth to our family and much needed perspective. She is debriefing in Washington State and should be back home by the end of the month! Thanks to everyone who also prayed for her. It really meant a lot.

The Universal Prayer

2010-01-30T22:30:00.001-06:00

(attributed to Pope Clement XI)

Lord, I believe in you: increase my faith.
I trust in you: strengthen my trust.
I love you: let me love you more and more.
I am sorry for my sins: deepen my sorrow.

I worship you as my first beginning,
I long for you as my last end,
I praise you as my constant helper,
And call on you as my loving protector.

Guide me by your wisdom,
Correct me with your justice,
Comfort me with your mercy,
Protect me with your power.

I offer you, Lord, my thoughts: to be fixed on you;
My words: to have you for their theme;
My actions: to reflect my love for you;
My sufferings: to be endured for your greater glory.

I want to do what you ask of me:
In the way you ask,
For as long as you ask,
Because you ask it.

Lord, enlighten my understanding,
Strengthen my will,
Purify my heart,
and make me holy.

Help me to repent of my past sins
And to resist temptation in the future.
Help me to rise above my human weaknesses
And to grow stronger as a Christian.

Let me love you, my Lord and my God,
And see myself as I really am:
A pilgrim in this world,
A Christian called to respect and love
All whose lives I touch,
Those under my authority,
My friends and my enemies.

Help me to conquer anger with gentleness,
Greed by generosity,
Apathy by fervor.
Help me to forget myself
And reach out toward others.

Make me prudent in planning,
Courageous in taking risks.
Make me patient in suffering, unassuming in prosperity.

Keep me, Lord, attentive at prayer,
Temperate in food and drink,
Diligent in my work,
Firm in my good intentions.

Let my conscience be clear,
My conduct without fault,
My speech blameless,
My life well-ordered.
Put me on guard against my human weaknesses.
Let me cherish your love for me,
Keep your law,
And come at last to your salvation.

Teach me to realize that this world is passing,
That my true future is the happiness of heaven,
That life on earth is short,
And the life to come eternal.

Help me to prepare for death
With a proper fear of judgment,
But a greater trust in your goodness.
Lead me safely through death
To the endless joy of heaven.

Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Troy Davis and American Justice

2010-01-29T23:31:00.003-06:00

Recently, I was invited to join a group voicing disapproval that Larry Platt (that guy from American Idol with the “Pants on the Ground” song) supports Troy Davis. If you haven’t heard of Troy Davis yet, his story is a very important one. Over 20 years ago, Police Officer Mark Allen MacPhail was killed in a Burger King parking lot in Atlanta. The investigation lead to Troy Davis, whom 9 witnesses identified as the killer. A jury sentenced him to death, despite having no physical evidence. Since the verdict, 7 of those 9 witnesses have recanted their testimony and even said police pressured them into blaming Davis. He has faced execution four times:
July 17, 2007. It was stayed by GA Board of Pardons and Paroles less than 24 hours before scheduled execution.

September 23, 2008. It was stayed by Supreme Court 90 minutes before scheduled execution.

September 29, 2008 was an unpublicized date. Prison officials were hopeful that Supreme Court would deny Troy's petition before the warrant expired at midnight. At 3:00 p.m. (just a few hours before prison's intended execution) the Supreme Court announced that there would be no decision until October, making it impossible for the prison to go forward with the execution. Family and friends were allowed to visit as planned.

October 27, 2008. It was stayed three days before by 11th Circuit on October 24th.

In August of last year, the US Supreme Court ordered Georgia to hear his new evidence. Read more about the history of the court process, click here.

This starts conversations about two things- “justice”, and in particular, capital punishment, and racism. I’ll begin with the latter.

The reason I bring this up is because I went to the facebook group’s page and the comments left there were saddening. I have never understood racism. Is there anything stupider to hate someone for than what they look like? Especially when it’s their skin color, something that one has absolutely no control over? I never assume anyone is racist, or even that race factors into a situation until I have reason to think otherwise. The witnesses in the case who have recanted their testimony have spoken of being coerced by investigators into saying Troy Davis did it. These are people who have nothing to gain from doing this but a clean conscience.

It’s one thing to talk about a “cop killer” but when someone shows hatred towards another, assuming they are from “the hood” and calling names, then it shows how ignorant they are.

The most pressing question Troy Davis raises however is, is our court system perfect enough to execute someone because they have found them guilty? This is why Troy Davis still waits. He has been waiting for 20 years for a new trial. Troy Davis himself isn’t the only tragedy, but the justice system in America is a tragedy. If anything, it proves we have no authority to kill anyone.

It seems the only reasoning behind having a death penalty at all is to give “closure” to the family and serve “justice”. Neither of these is accomplished by killing someone. For one, it seems a judge is pressured to execute the person especially if the family recommends that. Since when is that how punishment is decided? The family is hurt and grieving, they are told (and believe) that if this person (who seems to be the sole cause of their pain) is taken from this life, then they would feel better, that they would somehow get “justice”. If I were you, I would read this article, which is about the execution of the DC sniper. Some admit to having little closure from it, while others hint at wanting revenge. This is not what the justice system is for.

As soon as someone is blamed for something, anything from a small rumor to murder, we ostracize them and will always see them as something less than human. We don’t care whether they are actually innocent, because we need someone to blame, and they were the first to fit that description.

I wonder if people who support the death penalty, especially family members of victims, are Christian, because to me, it would be impossible to reconcile wanting “justice” and “closure” with the need for forgiveness. One can’t say, “I just need to see him die, because he killed my husband” while believing that they should love and forgive everyone. While there are so many secular reasons to abolish the death penalty, I think the fact that Americans cling to it show how un-Christian this country is. Maybe we should stop claiming that we are.

I am in no way condoning or supporting the crimes these people commit. However, if we feel we can completely ignore our respect for people, and thus do whatever we want to them, whether they are guilty or not, then where does that leave us? It leaves us as a disgrace to our nature. It leaves us with no justice at all. It leaves us with no peace, because tomorrow, you could be the one who’s “guilty”. If we can’t follow our own laws, it leaves us with chaos and shortly after, destruction. God is the sole decider of life, from beginning to end. We are not God.

To learn more about Troy Davis and his case, click here.

To sign a petition, click here.

To read more about wrongful executions, click here.

Difficult People and Belly Dancing

2010-01-29T23:29:00.000-06:00

I’ve realized that it is nearly impossible to be friends with someone who has decided to not be my friend. Even when you have shared a great amount with them, in experiences, emotions and beliefs, if that person has made a conclusion that you have nothing in common, or are unwilling to make any effort towards you, well, then the relationship is doomed.

It’s taken a while to learn this and accept it. I also have had to accept that around some people, I won’t be able to be myself. Simply because I am not connecting with them, or am annoying them, or am “too loud”. Well, if you don’t want me in your presence, I’d much rather leave then have to constantly listen to criticism and rude comments. Maybe one day I will be able to say what’s on my mind without instant feedback on whether it was funny or understood, or without an observation on what that says about me. Sometimes I don’t say things to be understood, but to simply put into existence what I’m thinking.

People who constantly criticize and are unnecessarily rude are hard for me. However, another thing I’ve also learned is that the people who are hard for me to deal with are the ones I should pray for the most. Maybe I can also learn to be silent during those times without resentment.

On another note, my college newspaper wrote an article about the belly dancing class I’m in. Check it out.

Unintended break

2010-01-28T09:06:00.002-06:00

It seems I've been away for a long time. A lot has happened, both in the world and in my life, and I plan to write about it! I'm finishing up with a post today (teaser: it's about Troy Davis) and I plan to get caught up with graditude. This past week has been quite busy, but I'm back!

The Ideal

2010-01-20T01:41:00.003-06:00

I am an idealist. Most of my life has been spent imagining a perfect world, trying to make a perfect world, and dealing with realizations that this isn’t a perfect world. I love to daydream and read about how things ought to be. Whenever I have to face the true world (or what seems to be), it almost instantly becomes too much for me to bear. But there is hope, so much hope that you must have it.

Do you know how amazing our God is? Do you know what we have in the Catholic Church? We have a way to the ideal. Each of the sacraments offers a way out of the confused world of sin and into a clear, bright world. A sacrament is a teleporter to the ideal, and it transforms us to the ideal too. And the ideal is how it was always meant to be. Today after confession, I felt as if I was the ideal. I had no sin. And although I would soon walk out into a world that still has countless problems, I was that much closer to the ideal, to God.

God is a genius beyond all understanding. We screw up, He says, “Try again, only first, I’ll eradicate all traces of your mistakes. You are now completely pure in my eyes.” If we are pure in God’s eyes, then we ARE pure. We are weak, He says, “Come and eat, and you will live forever”. We enter into God and God into us. The Eucharist is the single greatest gift to man. Could we ever know all that It does for us?

At birth, sin already has us in it’s grips. God says, “Be reborn, and not only will I take away your sin, but fill you with My Spirit”. When we are close to death, God says “I will heal your soul and give you courage”.

If there is anything in existence better than God and what He has given to us, I want to know. I haven’t found something close to the ideal, I have found THE ideal. And God offers it to us endlessly.

I won’t apologize for being an idealist, because it sure seems to me that God is one. He even destroyed death for us.

By the way, how amazing is this song?

Days of Graditude #11-17

2010-01-18T00:50:00.003-06:00

I’ve had a lot to be thankful for this week. So, today I thank You God for…

Day #11
…men. One of the great joys in life is witnessing a man being a man. I saw at least one man doing just that tonight and it can only bring about more of the same. True men are a great thing indeed.

Day #12
…people who live honestly. There is something inspiring about a person who doesn’t attempt to cover themselves up with facades. We may hastily judge, but later when we see a weakness overcome it is that much more glorious! Truthful people testify to how things really are, in the bad but especially in the good.

Day #13
…God’s plan. Tonight I believe I caught another line of how God is using me. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, and if it comes to be true, then I’ll update about it. All I have to say, however, is follow EVERY ONE of God’s whispers. You truly will never know what He has in store for you.

Day #14
…sunsets. In Alabama. Do I have to say more?

Day #15
…random encounters that save your day. I ran into a friend who happened to mention that he was going to a meeting that I also was supposed to be at. I would have definitely missed it if it weren’t for him. That 10 second window saved my whole day, if not my whole week.

Day #16
…good company. Spending time with someone who is easy to be with beats even sleep. That was a hard thing to write for me, but it’s true. : )

Day #17
…never abandoning Your people. I admit Lord, I still don’t completely trust You. Even after all the signs and the kept promises, there is still something holding me back. There is still a part of me that questions. I thank You for still working on me. For letting me experience even more of Your perfect plan and mercy. You are changing me. I see now, that although the odds seem insurmountable and all hope is gone that You are God, and nothing stands in Your way. If we place our trust in You, no matter how imperfect, You cannot let us down. Thank you Lord for showing me that in the small tragedies of life, in the uncertain times, in the illnesses and deaths of loved ones, and in great disasters that You are there, working flawlessly to show Your love for us. You can only bring good.

Tired already

2010-01-13T23:35:00.001-06:00

I forgot how stressful and busy semesters are. It’s the third day and it feels like I’ve been doing this for months. This may be a hard semester, but I’m trying to stay positive about it. I pray for (because I need) a lot of strength.

I changed my major to Industrial and Systems Engineering. All thanks to God for allowing it to be a smooth and quick transition! Really, it could have been a mess (as I was expecting it to be) especially when the Air Force gets involved.

Semesters are not only physically exhausting for me, but extremely emotionally taxing. Already I’m feeling it. I see so many people each day, and they each are going through something major, and it weighs me down. Maybe I care too much, but I really suffer with others, and when someone is experiencing an unjust or unfair circumstance I feel helpless for them. I guess it’s teaching me to trust God with everything, including things that I really don’t have much to do with.

Tonight at RCIA we talked about Haiti and it breaks my heart. Those people have been through so much only to be devastated again. Is there really anything else I can do but pray? God help those people! I better go to bed. Good night!

Update

2010-01-13T23:12:00.006-06:00

My mom's deployment in Iraq is almost up. She should be back in the United States by the end of January and back at home by the end of February. I eagerly anticipate her return. She plans on getting her scuba certification so we can have maximum fun in the gulf over spring break. While there, she got to visit Baghdad (some pictures are below) and had a four day pass to Qatar (but wasn't able to see much due to "incidents").

I believe this is the desert sanctuary. Haha

The camel wranglers.

She got to ride a camel.

One of Saddam's palaces, I believe.

The bathrooms inside.

She's at the head of course!

On her way back to COB Basra!

It's weird to think that most likely she will be returning (possibly to Afghanistan) in the next few months. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, but ultimately, it's her decision, and she is really excited about it. Please pray for my family and all those that are continuing to serve overseas.

This is my Christmas present from my mom. The flag was flown on the two year anniversary of my grandma's death.

Days of Graditude #10

2010-01-10T22:25:00.003-06:00

In an effort to cut down on the number of "gratitude posts", I've decided to put each week's thanks into one post. I plan on doing this each Sunday, so the next one after this will be in a week.

Today I thank You God for giving me what I need. In the abstract, I could never see myself in the military, or leading anyone (especially men with strong personalities). Whenever I'm on break, or just thinking about the next ROTC event, I easily get this idea that I don't belong there. It brings me down a bit and makes me a little nervous every time I show up, but then I quickly realize that God gives me the skills I need to do it. I know this because I didn't have those skills 2 seconds before I was asked to answer a question or make a decision or perform a task. I'm always surprised by how well I can do what is required of me. I attribute this to God, and the fact that if this isn't where He wants me to be, I would have been asked to leave a long time ago.

Want to redefine marriage?

2010-01-09T23:23:00.003-06:00

I found this article very interesting. Especially the part about polygamy being the “subject of contentious national debate”. It got me thinking. Some believe that marrying more than one woman is okay, and that both marriages are true marriages. Although this isn’t the popular idea in America, it fits in with the definition society has held of marriage in the past. Marriage is between one woman and one man (as is the popular way of putting it). Polygamy fits this. One man marries one woman, and he just so happens to also have another marriage to one woman. This can multiply for however many wives the man has. So, he has a “marriage” with wife 1, a “marriage” with wife 2 and so on. One woman and one man. This seems to be less controversial than what America wants to call marriage.

So why is no one in America looking to change marriage to include polygamy? The new definition (as was added by Merriam-Webster’s dictionary) is: the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage.

Why do we want to stop there? Why not include polygamy? If we really think that we can make up our own definition for something like marriage, why not include anything and everything you are “united to”?

The answer is simple. Americans in fact don’t want marriage to include everything in the marriage definition because deep within their hearts they know there is only one way to have a true marriage. And it’s not declared by the state, nor by one’s own opinions about it. It’s a shame to see how much convincing we do, when in the end, we still can’t hide from the truth.

By the way, a Catholic marriage is defined as a: ...covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring, has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.

More on marriage here.

Days of Graditude #9

2010-01-09T22:35:00.005-06:00

Today I thank You God for giving us a beautiful world. No matter where the human race spreads to, diversity and wonder can be found there. It is also amazing that we are able to witness it. Even when everything seems dead and frozen, it is then that a whole new world is discovered. I found this driving today.

I like the splashes of ice in the pool.

Pro-life according to John

2010-01-08T23:51:00.001-06:00

Today’s first reading. 1 John 5:5-13:

Who is it that overcomes the world but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? This is he who came by water and blood, Jesus Christ, not with the water only but with the water and the blood. And the Spirit is the witness, because the Spirit is the truth. There are three witnesses, the Spirit, the water, and the blood; and these three agree. If we receive the testimony of men, the testimony of God is greater; for this is the testimony of God that he has borne witness to his Son. He who believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself. He who does not believe God has made him a liar, because he has not believed in the testimony that God has borne to his Son. And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who has not the Son of God has not life. I write this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life.

After hearing this today, something really stuck out to me: life. As Catholics, we are called to be pro-life. Although most only associate this with abortion, I look at it in regards to all life (criminals, elderly, enemies). However, this reading takes it even further. John tells us that he who has the Son of God has life and he who has not the Son of God has not life. Could this really be what being pro-life is all about? Not just wanting everyone to be born, or spared from execution, but to live in Jesus, so that he may have life?

There is a drastic difference between merely breathing and actually living. This difference is Jesus. And what is even better, as the reading tells us, that as we live in Him now, we live in Him eternally. Pro-life can mean just wanting everyone to be breathing, but I think our faith calls us to more. Pro-life is now a stance saying we want everyone to experience life, real excellent life, and as John tells us, that is only found in Jesus.

Days of Graditude #8

2010-01-08T22:00:00.001-06:00

Today I thank You God for heat. Without it I surely would have died by now. It is so cold here, I can't even imagine if I lived anywhere even remotely northern. Thank You for putting me in Alabama : )

Days of Graditude #7

2010-01-07T17:20:00.002-06:00

Today I thank You God for feet. Although they sometimes revolt against me (and it is surely deserved), they've stuck it out and have carried me to many places and have saved me many times. Life would certainly be different if I didn't have my small but trusty feet.

Days of Graditude #6

2010-01-06T18:59:00.003-06:00

Today I thank You God for Disney movies. It takes a special talent for a movie to introduce a song randomly and it not seem awkward. Indeed, Disney has pulled off songs actually being a part of the movie. Bravo. On a side note, I don't recommend children under 10 seeing “The Princess and the Frog”. I may get nightmares.

Tidbit from Conference

2010-01-06T00:29:00.002-06:00

I went to a talk during the conference where the speaker mentioned a canoeing trip he took with his wife. The only thing he remembered from the quick safety and canoe lesson was that if you fall out of the boat, don’t attempt to stand up. If you try to stand up in a river, the force of the water will knock you down. The worse case would be that your foot would get caught between rocks and you could drown. I forgot where the speaker went with his story, but “don’t stand up” can apply to a lot of different things. I wrote this in adoration at the conference.:

It’s amazing how you touch people Lord. In simply wanting you, we get you. Can you ever give us more love now than before, when all your love was already upon us? Does this mean you were holding back, or that you just created more love? I think neither. I believe that this “new and greater” love you give me was already there, but now I see it, I feel it, I know it. You put it there, from all along. My eyes and heart are open and you rush in. Lord, how you fill every space entirely! There is no greater love than your love because it never ceases. It never fails.

I am no match against the roaring river of you and all that you have for me. I will go with the river, and hope to never try and stand up. I want to experience the rapids and taste the chill of the water. I want to see the mountains and the trees that are beyond the river’s bend. It’s someplace that I can’t see, but I know that it will be beyond anything that I can imagine.

And you made it all. You put me on that river and you told the waters to flow. You gave it all to me and I just have to look around and not stand up. God, how marvelous you are! How infinite your love is! How I only seek to float down the river with you! How I see now that I always have been. My Lord and my God, thank you!

Days of Graditude #5

2010-01-05T23:25:00.001-06:00

Today I thank You God for small gestures of acceptance such as when someone makes an effort to sit next to me or to include me in conversation. I pray I may be able to do the same for others.

Days of Gratitude #1-4

2010-01-04T17:30:00.003-06:00

I’m back from Florida and I don’t think I can describe all that the conference was (even though I’ll attempt to later). The past few days I’ve been swept away by the love of God. I now feel prepared to confront my challenges and stop falling into the same traps that I did last year. I normally don't make resolutions, but because the year ended just as I'm beginning again, I have made a few. As discovered in confession, I need to be more grateful for everything in my life, so one of my resolutions is to find something I'm grateful for everyday. This won't be difficult and I hope it will remind me of all God has blessed me with.

Day 1:
Today I thank You God for creating me. Thank You for thinking of me and willing me to exist.

Day 2:
Today I thank You God for music. I thank You for giving me something that so easily and quickly delivers me to worship You and that speaks to my heart. At the conference I heard a beautiful song for the first time (this version doesn’t sing the words but does have the lyrics in the info box).

Day 3:
Today I thank You God for the unseen, especially angels. How blessed we are to be in the company of angels every Mass as we all bow down together in adoration and wonder of You!

Day 4:
Today I thank You God for hot chocolate. It warms my insides and much as my outsides.

Awesome New Year's!!

2009-12-30T00:06:00.004-06:00

I'm heading to Orlando, Florida for the FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) National Conference.
You can check it out here.

It promises to be an amazing Catholic college experience. If a college is near where you live, they may have FOCUS missionaries. Check out what eles they are doing.

Happy New Year to you and your's!

How Religious Is Your State?

2009-12-26T23:56:00.001-06:00

Find out here.

Interesting study. The numbers are higher than I would guess.

Life as example

2009-12-26T22:01:00.003-06:00

There is a drastic difference between the interior life and the outside world. In Auburn, the two don’t seem very distant, but when I come home, both realities seem so contradictory that it makes me question both. Of course I know what the ideal life should be like, which just makes what I see around me that much sadder.

Coming home makes me very aware of what is missing from people’s lives. It’s interesting to see when and how God enters into each person’s life (although He is there all along). For me, it didn’t take much, but I think that has a lot to do with my personality. For others though, I am seeing how difficult it can be to leap from the cold secular world into a full time interior one. There are a lot of questions, concerns, and circumstances that hold people back. Although a single person can’t solely be responsible for “converting” someone (really, only the person working with God is), I can be an influencing factor in their perception of the interior life.

One thing that I’ve been conscious of is how I can appear to others. How I present myself and represent the Catholic faith does matter and really does affect how people view me in the least, and religion at the most. After years of trying to convince myself that what people think of me doesn’t matter, it in fact does. Not so much relating to me, but to them.

Sometimes people think I act like I’m better than them. I understand why they say this. I have high standards for people and I do things (such as not cursing, going to Mass, wearing a veil) that may seem lofty. It’s hard to defend myself without making things worse. Words mean little, actions say everything.

This break I’ve been reacquainted with the attitude that church is where you find people that think they are better than everyone else. This is a hard misconception to correct, because sometimes, it’s true. I think the solution is minimize judging and start humbling.

The longer I look at everything the Church calls me to, the more I realize all the reasons why it does so. Being humble isn’t only for myself, which is really important, but it’s also for others, especially those unsure about a religious life and God. When we humble ourselves we are true to ourselves and to others. If we live honestly, people will see that and may be less turned off by those in love with God.

I think it’s the least I can do to bring a bit of the interior life out into the open and out into the lonely world. Even if God hasn’t brought them to the point of life changing conversion yet, at least I can show them a glimpse of what it would be like. With God’s help, that glimpse can be a positive one.