I wish I had the strength to be Christ to the world. I understand on nights like this why Jesus had to suffer so much. To save us will cost everything. As I become less naïve to the world, I realize how hard this life will be. How hard my own heart is, and how seemly impossible it is to penetrate anyone else’. And yet, God can. He is the only one who can break through. The only one with enough love to have the stamina to achieve it. We are completely unworthy. So disgusting and ignorant and evil. But there He is, with love in His eyes. I’ll never understand how perfection can tolerate it, even want it. And still, THAT is truth.
One of my favorite parts in all of scripture is John 15:18-19- “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”
To me, the world is a sad reality, and we are called to bring hope to its miserable depths. I can’t think of anything harder, except for maybe saving my soul. I have witnessed this hate. It is so sudden and strong I’m taken aback every time. But yet, they hate Jesus even more. They hate the one who created them from nothing but love, who keeps them in existence right now because of love, and who gives them good days. How will they ever come to love me if they can’t even love Jesus?
It’s hard not to desire worldly love. In a way, we are all at least a little wrapped up in it. And yet, I am frequently reminded that I will never get it. I guess it’s a starting point to genuinely not wanting it. And yet, I continue to see how fickle and easily swayed it is. How gullible people can be about the most dangerous of things, and so skeptical about the most important. It seems like an easy mission when first starting out- surely this is common sense I tell myself. Then the real battle begins, and I realize I’ll be thankful to just have myself come out intact.
I don’t mean to have such a depressing view. Really the only hope I have is in Jesus. He is somehow strong enough. He still, somehow, loves us. If He is willing to go through all this, maybe somehow, I can go with Him. God help me.